Haunted by the past
by Little-Firestar84
Summary: It's happening, Minelli is introducing her to Patrick Jane, her Patrick. And even after more than 20 years,she just thinks about what he remembers and thinks of Katy Asterson, why he didn't follow them that night, if he still knows her... JISBON AU
1. Chapter 1

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Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the Mentalist or Green Lantern...

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**Note: Ok, I know ypou're wondering what I'm doing. in retorpsect, I think you shpould be informed that I don't know it either. so, I'll not have problems with critics. Also, since I don't have idea where this thing will led me, don't wait too mcuh for updates, 'cause it could be painful- I know it will be for me.  
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The first time Minelli introduce them in his office, the breath dies in her throat. There is no way she couldn't recognize him, even after all this time, even after so many years… how couldn't she recognize him, how could she even contemplate the idea of forgetting him? No, it couldn't happen… not after all that has been between them in the past.

She shivers, her eyes dilated in fear and, maybe, anticipation. She gulps, and a minimal switch in his posture, the moment their eyes meet, tells her everything she needs to know – he knows who she is, or, at least, he feels like he knows her, recognizes her from somewhere.

She doesn't know how he did it, after all, she has changed a lot since she has been a 16 years old, and she has even tried to change her appearance, as much as she could do without surgery, but, still… still, all the changes have been made to make her resemble more her beloved late mother, with her dark hair and green eyes, whereas her hair used to be lighter and her eyes almost grey. Maybe that is the reason he immediately recognized her, because a part of him still remembers the lovely woman who cared about him like a son, well aware that her daughter didn't share any sibling affection for the child… the lovely woman who abandoned him like his own real mother had done, taking away with her one of the most precious things in the boy's world.

"Mr. Jane, I'd like to introduce to you the head of Serious Crime Unit, Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon"

Yet again he shivers while he approaches the dark haired woman to shake her hand, and for a moment, she thinks she may be save, that he may be considering the option that he'd been mistaken in his first assumption, but she should have known better. This is, after all, the boy wonder they are talking about. Her searching for his shivers gave her away. If he didn't know before, now he does- they know each other from somewhere, from somewhen.

"You know, I don't know why, but I feel like I already met you before" his eyes… his eyes are almost shining in triumph as he realizes who she is, that it's her for real, even if a shade of pain is well visible, trace of what he has seen, a long time before, as betrayal. Images of the past start to run through her mind, and she has to fight back the menacing tears. "But I'm pretty sure I'd remember you if we did, _Agent Lisbon" _he almost hisses her name, her _new name_, the one she has used since she is more or less 16, after… after everything went to hell. His grip on her hand gets stronger and stronger, her hand is almost in pain, she is in pain, although her pain is emotional and not physical. She has been in pain since that day, the pain getting bigger and bigger, always present in a part of her mind, never leaving, never, ever…

"Lisbon, Mr. Jane is the man I talked you about… he'll be your team's consultant. Of course, we'll give it a try for a couple of weeks first, but I'm positive that you'll work well together. I think that the both of you could bring the CBI to a new level."

She just nods in silence, and leaves the office, hands in her pockets, trying her best to keep a normal demeanor, to keep her composure. She still can't believe it is happening for real, even if she has always known that they could eventually meet again, if she didn't leave California- but after all, what were the odds of meeting him, in state where millions and millions of people live? _Apparently they were against me_. Of all the police forces in California, why, why did he have to choose hers to become a consultant? And why hadn't Minelli told her his name first thing first? If she'd known, she'd said no, shed' tried to avoid it, but she knows she couldn't, not really.

After all, Patrick Jane is going to be her consultant just because he wants to get Red John, and she has the Red John case… he wants to get some kind of closure, of revenge on the man who had killed Angela Ruskin, his wife… the girl he once couldn't stand when they were children, they girl he got to care about like a sister, the girl he escaped the carnie world with… at the end, even if he kept saying it wasn't Angela he was in love with, he choose her, he escaped with her, married her, had a child with her… and now he is looking for revenge, looking for her killer, two years after she had left him permanently.

This is proof enough of what she has tried her best to deny with a passion, proof enough that her father in in his drunken outbursts, has been right from the moment he meet the blonde guy's gaze. She wasn't enough for him back then, she'll never be good enough for him, she wasn't at 16 and she'll never be 20 years later. She was too plain, wasn't enough nice, beautiful enough, important enough or powerful enough to be with him in the first place. Because, after all, this is everything he has always been after- looks, money, people around him – and what has once caused his downfall, the loss everything he kept dear.

They leave the office in silence, the air so tick with tension that even Minelli can feel something is wrong. Clenching her fists at her side, still trying to fight back the tears even if she is well aware that now that they are outside the comfort zone, the sanctuary of her boss' office she'll never be able to really do it, she tries to run, to escape him, escape trying to tell him everything. She isn't in the mood to share her pain, to revive it once again- she has enough of it at night, when there's nothing she can do about it, when her mind betrays her, showing images of what it used to be, and what it could have been, have things been different… she even dreams of him, sometimes, of his 18 years old smile, of the feel of his lips against her owns, of how he used to play mind games with her, how he did his best to win her over, a girl a couple of years younger than him, who at first couldn't stand the "boy wonder"… at first, she even dreamt of a future where they were both together, where they were _still _together, where they were getting old together, at each other's side, where nothing had happened, where she had stayed, or where he escaped with her that fateful day. Then, life got the better out of her, or maybe she just realized that there was no reason to keep torturing herself, that she wasn't that person any longer, she _couldn't_ be that person any longer.

Jane stops outside Minelli's office, standing still, finally allowing the shock to wash over him. He hasn't seen her in over 20 years, he never thought that they'd meet again, not after she escaped their world, not after she gave him her back, refusing to try harder, to try to make it better by being with him, by being _his. _A long forgotten sense of betrayal awakens, and with it the memories of his past, of their past, and everything is made worse by the fact that she is no longer the girl he used to know. He grey eyes are now green, her light brown hair are now almost dark, the beautiful body of the dancer hidden by CBI issued clothes, the violin she used to play sometimes now substituted by at least one gun. Even her name is different now. She is Teresa Lisbon, now, she is Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon now.

But, still… still, there's a part of her, of the girl she used to be that will never die, because will stay in his soul, will be treasure by his memory, until he'll live, it's something he used to think a lot in the past, something he still does, actually – and it's painful knowing that there are moments when he doesn't think about Angie or Charlotte but about what ifs with the young ballerina. But it really can't help it. There's nothing he can do about it. she owned him right from the start. And a part of her still owns him- the better part of him, a part that, sadly, not even Angie managed to find.

"Katy…" he whispers, and his voice is low and husky, like he hasn't talked in a while, even if it's just the word that has become almost foreign to him. But, as he says it at loud, he understands that there's something… he feels like coming home while he says the name, like a man dying of starvation once finally reached food and water. And he understands that there's probably more than it meets the eye, that maybe there's a reason behind her escape. Maybe, Kathrin Asterson, his first love, the one who got away, the love of his life, left him and their world behind for a reason.

And if he wants to be able to call her at least a friend, he needs to find out the truth.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist...

_a/n: you people rocks! In case I haven't come back to you with a pm, thanks a lot. It's great knowing you're following it. Also, I'd like to point out this is my first attempt at an AU fic, after the failed attempt of the perennal on hiatus "the evil that men do"_... _So, I'll need to know if you like and if you still think it's worth being red and followed, because, frankly, I swear, I'm not sure where this idea come from! (probably the same place where the idea of vampire Lisbon on a fanfic I'm writting in Italian come from...)Anyway, Here chapter 2 for you, I hope you'll like it, and will aswer few of your qeustions and make new ones..._

_also: I'm not sure when cahpter 3, that should be on jane's pov, will be added, since I've just written it with my lovely pen on my thrusty moleskine notepad and I haven't had time to copy it yet - I'm having a busy shedule this week... I hope you'll be patient, though!.  
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She doesn't know why he is doing it.

He has been assigned as her team's consultant from over a month, 4 whole damn weeks, and still, Patrick (Jane, she corrects herself, he is Jane now for her, she no longer has the right of calling him by his first name) refuses to talk with her.

Oh, they talk about cases, of course they do. Actually, they talk about cases the while time, mostly because he does things he isn't supposed to do, talking to people he isn't supposed to talk with, breaking and entering in properties he isn't supposed to and so – one week on the job, and the list of complaints was already as tall as a small tower, and after over a month, she can't already see the end of it… probably because she is the one doing the talking, and he is the one faking sleep while she moves her lips emitting sounds he doesn't give a damn about.

Real talking, like they used to do when they were both children and teens, that they don't do it. Jane has never, not even once, let the name Katy, or the many versions he used to call her by, slip into conversation, let alone call her by it - for crying out loud, they barely manage to find themselves alone, figures if they can talk about the past they share and about their issues, whatever they may be!

Besides, she isn't sure Jane wants to talk with her at all, have that conversation with her at all. it's been so long, too long, for even hoping they could eventually be just friends… she doesn't know if he forgave her, if he forgot her (obviously, since he married her former so-called best friend just few months after she moved, he did it) and they no longer share anything, if not a past full of pain and sufferance and, now, the Red John case.

At the end, maybe, maybe her father was right when he kept telling her that they only thing Patrick Jane cared about was getting any girl he wanted into his bed, that he never really cared about her in the first place because she was just a plain and a nobody and there wasn't a single soul in the world that cared about her… Maybe, of all the wring things he had said, about that her (hatred) father was right, and "Rick" was just as his own father, a con, a… a bad person.

Still, he used to be her world when she was a child. Rick, as she used to call him when they were small children, busy trying to escape their world through fantasy, was everything she had back then, back there. She knew that growing up people started to see the bad in him, started to see him as his own father's child, she hard all the things they said about him… but she never cared, she never believed. Or maybe, she was just so taken by him she just didn't want to believe the voices telling her to be good, to keep it down, to stay away from such a poisonous and dangerous boy… and, she tried, for her own good, for her own safety she really tried, mostly because daddy dearest asked so nicely her to, but at the end… she still doesn't know who or what it was to win the fight, if Rick himself or her feelings for the boy…..

_She sits, curled in fetal position, in a corner in her family's van. She is shaking, so scared she is, even after it's been days since he dared to touch her in any way… Katy keeps massaging her tender skin, the skin of her forearms, through the soft material of her pink and white stage-dress, hoping that no one could see the bruises, that no one could see the red lines of where he tried to cut her when she tried to give him a piece of her mouth. The fact that her mother managed to kick him out this time doesn't make it any easier._

_ After all, it's always the same, sad, old story. Something doesn't go as planned, someone (namely the ass called Alex Jane) says the wrong thing, making fun of him. He gets mad. He drinks. He gets madder and madder, more and more violent. He releases his rage and violence on her and her mother. He leaves until he sobers up. He comes back, begging for forgiveness. And, for the sake of her family, and because she really doesn't know where she could go, her mother always takes him back. and then it starts all over again, like an endless circle. _

_This time, it hasn't been any different- the topic of conversation has been, though. This time, her father was mad because she spends too much of her time hanging around with the Jane guy instead of performing or trying to improve (he doesn't care that she is already at the best of her possibilities, considered where she studied dance and where she has to rehearse…). Apparently, the "Jane guy" is as much of an ass as his daddy, they are always scheming something and trying to get money out of everyone and everything (he doesn't care that he still keeps her and her mum around for the same reason, because they are an income) and since she is just such a plain, small, insignificant little girl, the guy obviously just wants to have his way with her, get her into his bed. And, as he has so nicely put it, since she seems so willing to give everything away to being fucked by such a loser, she isn't just a loser herself, but a dirty, little whore, just like her mother has been since they had been together long before getting married…_

_And, since daddy dearest always claims that a whore has no rights whatsoever, he decided to do something about it. He made her promise to not seeing him again, if not for stage-related things, and to prove her he wasn't joking about it, he hurt he, and hurt her badly, so that she couldn't forget it. _

_ Even after more than da day, she doubts the outcome will be different from the usual, even if this time her mother seemed genuinely scared. Before they'll know it, they'll be whispering sweet nothing into each other's ears by her parents, more out of fear (Susan's) than love. Katy doesn't know why she still does it, why she doesn't escape. She knows her mum is scared of the man she has been forced to marry because she was pregnant with her and the carnie people isn't easy into forgiving, but this is a bit too much, it has to be, right? _

_"Kitty Kat?" rock hits the small window of the van, and then she hears a male voice calling her name. she doesn't answer him, her heart starts to beat frantically. She is scared of what may happen to her, to mum, and yes, to Rick as well, if her dad would find out they talked. She knows Rick means well, but she cares too much about him to letting him get hurt- and she knows it. if he'll find out that her dad hurt her, he'd come into her saving. "Kat! C'mon, Katy, it's freezing out here, let me in! " Other rocks, and she still refuses to move, she still fights with herself- her best friend/sort of boyfriend is worried about her, and she knows she should just open the door and talk with him, but… she Is scared, too scared. If she opens the door, may will pay the consequences for this simple action- herself, her mum, Rick, maybe even Alexander. She just can't allow it. _

_"Katy… please….just… I need you…" She hears him hitting with his bare fits the metal of the van, hears the sufferance in his voice, she can even hear his tear, the pain… and she stops. She stops to pretend she can go on without him, stops believing that just because she'll stop seeing him everything will be well, and she just runs. She runs to the door, runs into his arms, soft, warm, welcoming, lovely, and cries all her tears and even more. it's been just few days since they last saw each other, since the last time he tenderly nuzzled the skin of her neck while they were sitting under a cherry in blossoms, embraced, while she tried her best to get a song right with her violin, but… she missed it, she missed his warmth, his very presence, his mind games. And suddenly, she realizes that she'll never be able to get rid of this boy, of her Rick, as much as she'd like to, as much as she could try to._

_She cringes when he puts his hands on her forearms, hurting her furthermore without wanting it. she gasps when she sees the rage rising into him, and, for the first time, it's not of her father she is scared, but of Rick. He silently lifts the hem of her sleeves, revealing the dark bruises, the thin, red lines. He looks at them, really looks at them , without even trying to have eye-contact with her wonderful grey/green eyes, those eyes he loves so much, those eyes that remind him of a sea in storm. He skims over the skin, massaging the marks at closed eyes, and then he kisses them. She takes a big breath, and relaxes only when Rick takes her in his arms, kissing her short hair between words. _

_"It will be all right, Katy, I promise you. One day we'll leave all this behind us, one day we'll escape, just us… forever and ever…" he seals his promise with a kiss, nothing like the sweet and quick pecks on the lips they are used by now. He takes his time, he kisses her slowly and with passion, abandon and… lust. It's a brand new sensation for Katy, she has never experienced nothing like that before, even if Rick has been her first and only boyfriend. _

_Suddenly, she doesn't care about anything any longer, if not the two of them. Looking around one last time, making sure no one will see them, she takes him for an arm, guiding, forcing him inside the van, inside her room._

_She doesn't care about anything but the boy she has every intention of getting lost into. _

"Boss, are you all right?" Cho's voice awakens her from her reverie, from a memory of the past she knows she shouldn't indulge into- she should bless him for his timing, because she was going to go through extremely dangerous waters. It's bad enough thinking about what she and "Jane" shared in the past, and she doesn't think it's such a good idea indulging in M Rated memories of one of the good times they had, one of the few amazing times they shared together, as embarrassing it had been for her at the time.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, I was having a migraine, and painkillers and me…" she gesticulates with a fake, although extremely good, smile on her face, as she moves towards the entrance of her office, jacket already in hand- from her second's posture, she'd say there's a case somewhere. "So, what do we have?"

"Santa Rosa, a double murder. They want us in because, apparently, one of the victim is the mayor's daughter, and it seems that the major, as a small town as it is, has quite the good friends in the right places. – he pauses, and she'd say he is smirking, or, at least, grinning, or doing something else that includes a change in expression, but he is back to his stoic self even before he could move his lips – Politician and rich brats, Jane will love it"

"Yeah, and it will be the death of us…" she mumbles, stealing a glance to Rick getting up from his old couch in the corner. Traitor Tears try to escape, and she has to muffle a cry of sadness as her heart aches a little, like it used to right at the beginning, when she first killed Katy Asterson to welcome to the world Teresa Lisbon. Her heart aches not because they are not talking, but because she understands he doesn't want to talk with her. She doesn't know if it's the pain she inflicted him, if she did inflict it in the first place, the betrayal of what else, she just know that, as like to the world, Katy Asterson is dead to Patrick Jane as well. She is just a fragment of his past, something he never really cared about, something he'll never care about again, because her father was right- he was just using her to get to Angie, her best friend.

Because, if he'd loved her, he'd kept his promise, and he'd escaped with her- or at least, looked for her like she and her mum vanished like in thin air. Besides, it's all in the past, she just has to bury it deep enough, and forget about it. It's been over 10 years, and it's time to move on.

He certainly did- and with her best friend, nevertheless.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist...

_a/n: you people rocks! In case I haven't come back to you with a pm, thanks a lot. It's great knowing you're following it. Also, I'd like to point out this is my first attempt at an AU fic, after the failed attempt of the perennal on hiatus "the evil that men do"_... _So, I'll need to know if you like and if you still think it's worth being red and followed, because, frankly, I swear, I'm not sure where this idea come from! (probably the same place where the idea of vampire Lisbon on a fanfic I'm writting in Italian come from...)_

_Chapters 4 to 7 have already been written or in the process of being written, and just need to be read all over again- even if, somehow, I manage ti make errors even after I correct them. Something is always missing... I hope you'll love it, and you'll drop me a line to tell me how you feel about it. Just to let you know, everything, in due time, will be explained... I'm not sure how it will be, because this is really soemething out of my fluffy comfort zone (like me writing about Lisbon vampire, but there is a story moslty about humor, so no big deal), so, whatever you'll tell em will be well accepted. if you'll criticize me, I'll not se as flaming, promised!_

_ps- I know this story has been written almost without dialogues. I have to admit, I'm quite surprises no one pointed it out, because, when I try soemthing like that while writing in my mother tongue (Italian) people tends to tell that I need to "use more dialogue". After almost 10 yeasr of reading moslty in English, though, I've noticed that the almost total absence of dialogue is sometimes present in stories, so, since I felt more at easy with this style when it comes to this story, I decided to try it here. Tell me if you like it or you feel like Isomething should improve-I'm not saying I'd cahnge the style for this one, because it would eman re-writing it all over again, but it means I'll keep it in mind for my next work..._

_a/n 2: when I post it in the docuemnt manager, everything seemed fine, but as soon as I chked the page from the link, I noticed half the words were missing and punctations as well. I swear, FF(dot)net is giving me hell lately, first with my e-mail account, now this 8which I know happened already few other times). If you're receviving the notification again, I'm sorry I ahd to putyou through this. I just hope this time around it will work propely, allowing you to have a good taste of the story so far._

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There are moments in which he feels the pulls towards her as strong as when they were both children. It's weird, he knows it, because any of them is as they used to be back then, she doesn't even have the same name, but, still, there are moments when he feels the need of going into her office sealing it out from the world and take her there and then.

It's weird for so many reasons….mostly, because for everyone on the team, being a widower should make him genderless and immune to any woman's charm. But, what do they know about him, about Angela? When she was alive, contrary to her, he has always been faithful, because, even if had entered in marriage with her for a semi-wrong reason, being raised as he had and hating it with a passion, he knew that he had to treasure it, to safeguard if, whatever it could take. Now, he isn't faithful to her or to her memory as people assume, he is simply… one could say he was faithful to his vengeance, and, mostly, to his daughter's memory. He never knew if Charlie was really his little child, but, somehow, he never cared. Not after she was born, at least- as soon as he put his eyes on her, he knew he'd be a father to her, the best father possible, and when she died because of a mistake he had done… he knew something was to be done, he still knows it… he knows Red John has to die to pay for the consequences of his actions.

He doesn't know why, but he is quite sure there's some kind of twisted irony in being helped in avenging his family by the same woman who caused that family to start in the first place, even if unwillingly… and maybe, there's even more irony in the fact that she was the one he wasted to have that family with, she was the one, at night, he dreamt Charlotte called "Mum"… but, as she has told him so eloquently when he tried to reach the topic…

_He leans against the doorframe of her office, hands in his pockets, studying her. She is sitting at her desk, looking at the monitor trying to fill some forms but she knows he is there, and so she can't concentrate. His gaze always unnerved her, it did in the past and it does even more now. _

_He knows she is acknowledging his presence the moment she stills her movements, even if she doesn't lift her eyes from the screen. There's no reason to, though, those are not the eyes he craves to get lost into, hers were, are, grey, not green._

_He enters, closing the door at his back to get some privacy, and slowly makes his way towards her couch (he has tried it several times, it's quite uncomfortable. Her birthday (or, at least, Katy's birthday) will be soon. Maybe he should buy her one. Who knows, he could eventually start passing his whole time there, or maybe… maybe, they could start doing more pleasant activities on said couch, activities that require 2 parties, extremely pleasurable activities…but that's not a perfect world, and he doesn't feel like pushing his luck that far, not yet, at least. _

"_You left" he simply states, calm._

"_I've been here the whole morning" she answers, playing dumb, but they both knows it's not the truth, that she knows what he is talking about. For over six months they've played dumb, but this is enough… because there are moments, when they are together, when he can sees Katy resurfacing, in the small things, in details…and in those moments, he remembers why he loved her, why his heart never healed, why she still has a part of him with her. _

"_You know what I mean. I'd like for you to stop acting like I'm an idiot" he almost laughs, hysterically, shaking his head, then settles on looking at her still sitting form. "Katy… I knew that…I know I should have followed you, but dad… he was alone and… frankly, I thought… I thought your mother was joking, I thought _you_ were joking when you told me…I mean… I know your father was abusive, but…but he had left, and you were safe, and even if he'd come back… the adults... they could have protected you from him and…and if it was just a way out you wanted…." _

"_You don't know anything!" she hisses with clenching teeth, trying to fight the urge to scream. "And besides…The past is in the past, I'm Teresa Lisbon now, 36 years old from Chicago, no parents left and 3 younger brothers…and when we are here, I'm not Teresa or Katy or whatever you think you can call me… Here I'm just Lisbon, or Agent Lisbon if you prefer… and you're just Jane!" With tears filling her eyes, she storms off from her office, and Patrick is left there, considering his words and his actions. He doesn't know why, but there was something in her eyes that seemed to scream it was his fault if she lost herself… _

He is scared of this, of her, he has to admit it. It's not getting his heart broken all over again, because after he lost Charlotte he isn't sure he still does have a heart in the first place. It's… how he trembles whenever she is near. He is scared that he'll lose it, that when the time will come to turn a knife in Red John's abdomen, he'll not be able to do it because of her. he is confused. Part of him wants her close, as close as they used to be, a part of him wants her as far away as possible, because he is quite sure she'll never be able to get his revenge if he doesn't put some distance between them before it's too late. He even tried telling her what he'd do to the killer, but… if it can be possible, they even become closer after that, and he is sure she was fighting the urge to hugging him in that moment. They've never talked about the past, though, they've never referred to themselves as Katy and Rick, just as Lisbon and Jane, boss and consultant, but, still… still, even if sad, her gaze lingers on him longer than it should, and it's sweeter, and sometimes, he is quite sure she sometimes daydream about all the possibilities – her mother sued to say that the possibilities were endless with them, but he just saw one scenario playing into his mind at the time: them, leaving the carnie, leaving all the hurt and the pain behind forever and ever, just them, together, Katy playing the violin and the piano, their little angel dancing like her mummy taught her to, and him, stopping to do what his father taught him to and, instead, practicing maybe illusionism… or he could have played card. He already loved poker when he was young, he could picture himself as a professional poker star… but, even back then, it didn't matter. He just cared about themselves…about them, being together.

"Jane, it's time to leave" he opens his eyes as he hears the slightly annoyed voice, and feels a small and gentle feet kicking his beloved couch in the bullpen. There's only one person who could be so delicate and that can have such a beautiful smile in her voice, and it's his beloved… agent Lisbon.

He has to admit he still has problems when it comes to this thing. He doesn't know if he has to think of her as Katy, Teresa or Lisbon, and he has to be careful, because, otherwise, one day he'll end up calling her Katy (or, worst, Kitty Kat) or Teresa in front of the team… somehow, he knows that, as much as he'll enjoy her getting all red on that lovely face of hers, the consequences for him will not be nice.

"Where to?" he asks with a smile on his face, literally jumping from the couch. She doesn't answer him immediately, she simply smiles, shaking her head almost in disbelief, and moves toward the elevator. Like a faithful puppy, he follows her, trotting. "May I drive? I promise I'll be a good boy!"

She doesn't even let him get closer to her. she knows he'll try to get her keys, and she still remembers that time he stole the pick-up from Pete- his driving has traumatized her for life, and she is quite sure he still has the same style.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist...

You people rocks! I wasn't sure if this story was worth being written, and I'm glad you are keeping giving me inspiration and a push! So, huge thanks to Iamthegirlwiththebrokenwing (this kind of story isn't my thing as well, so, I'm double happy you're enjoying it), the always wonderfull jisbon4ever, totallyfan,AlejandraO and Laurore. I'd like to tell to Fantasyfreak4life that I'm sorry she has been disappointed by the story (or at least, the lack of criticism on the story suggested me that; correct me if I'm wrong and you're still reading this), and the extra long author note has been, indeed, extra long for a reason. I hope I'll be able to get better, and that you'll eventually enjot this. As always- citic is welcome, by everyone!

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Even if she is always careful when it comes to Rick, even if she still walks on eggshells, they've come to a sort of truce, and so, gradually, they've discovered who they've become, whom they've turned into. It's not like they pretend Rick and Kat never exist, they just share their existence in their little world, the few times they are alone. Maybe they are not the teens who were trying to act like the Romeo and Juliet of the situation, but they still have all the rest, the pleasant memories from earlier than the time they become lovers. And, what's nice about them, it's that they've learned (or, better yet, re-learned) to communicate without words. Sometimes it's all about (lingering) looks, (secret) smiles, (shared secrets of a long lost past hidden behind) small things…

They're not, and probably never will be again, a couple. They're not even exactly friends. But there's a connection there, between them, one they are both aware of, a connection, that, sometimes, scares them.

She has to admit that, as much she missed his presence in her life, now it's a whole different matter. Back then, she was his whole universe, or at least it was what he claimed. Now… now, his life is lived in order to gain info on his "enemy", info on Red John, he live for avenging his family, his wife Angela and the daughter he had with that other woman, Charlotte. And it means just one thing: she is a mean to an end, he is using, or will eventually use her, to get what he wants, what he needs – just like her father claimed he was doing when they were kids, when he told her she was too plain and insignificant to be his girl, that he just wanted to get into her panties and he was just using her to get to the boss' daughter.

It'd be fun, seeing history repeat itself, she things. He used her and he'll use her again. But what's really funny, it's that she is not sure she'll say no, not to him, not to Rick. After all, just right now, she is going to allow him to do as he pleases with her, because she has never been that scared before- or maybe, just a couple of times, but it was a different fear, a different pain. The others time, it was just about her, this time, she was, is scared because of _him_… because of what happened to Rick, because of what almost happened to her… to them.

But right now, she doesn't care about the pain of the past, about the bad memories. Right now, the only thing that matters is that they both made it, they are both alive. She wants and needs to remember it, she wants and need to feel safe, if only once, if only for just one night. She wants and needs, for once, to be in the only place she has ever been happy- lost in Rick's arms, without any concern, without the outside world bothering them. If not for just one night...

If he'll ask, she'll say yes, because, as scary as it is, that's exactly what she wants and what she needs as well.

* * *

He has been that scared only once, when he found the note, the smiley, and their bodies, and when he saw her, when he thought she'd be hurt… he felt the same, all over again, if this time Red John wasn't involved.

This time, the bad guy was a girl (was, being the cardinal word, since Agent Cho managed to hit her), the daughter of a guy he helped to put behind bars when he started to help the police out, back when he was still trying to pass for a psych. The man had been a murderer, had murdered his wife, actually, but for his daughter… it wasn't like she didn't cared, or like she still loved him because he was family- she simply thought he did the right thing. So, when Jane and the team put him behind bars (and with her unwillingly help, nevertheless), once he died during a revolt in pelican bay, she got crazy, and started to plan her revenge on the man who caused her so much pain. Too bad, in order to make him suffer, she decided to take prisoner not only him, but _"the person you care the most about in this world, Mr. Jane", _that person being Agent Teresa Lisbon. That maniac almost killed them, almost sent them on fire…almost forced him to look at her while she was screaming, tortured by the flames… but Cho saved her, Cho saved them…

But the fear he has felt will probably take a while to leave, and is forcing him to… to deal with his emotions, with his feelings for Kat, Teresa or whoever she is, whatever she is called. As much as he hates it, as much as he scared about it, he cares for her, probably… he probably still loves her, and if this small-time lunatic was able to see it, and tried to kill her to get to him, he doesn't even want to start to think about what Red John could do. Besides… besides, there's still the little and insignificant fact that she doesn't want to allow him to kill the monster, while it's everything he can think about, his only purpose, not only because, even if she was unfaithful and was forcing him to stay in the showbiz, Angela was still his wife, not only because, even if he never believed she was his daughter, Charlotte still had his name and was loved with a passion… but because it was his fault. He told the wrong things, in the wrong place about the wrong person… and they paid the price. It almost happened the same again with the only one he really loved…the only one he had really loved.

But, still, there's a part of that can't pull away from her, not now, at least. He needs her as much as he needed her back then. When they were both children, he needed Katy to go on with his life, and accept the carnie (and the fraud his father forced him into) as part of it. Now, he needs Teresa because she is the only one keeping him sane, she is his anchor to life, as much as being it means getting her into troubles and into danger, drawing a bull's eye onto her forehead.

He has tried to pull away from her, to be just… colleagues, but he can't, because there's still that scary connection, that sparks that is ignited whenever they are close, whenever they argue, remembering him of the time she couldn't stand the boy wonder who was trying to win her over, and so they kept arguing…

He has decided to let the part of his soul, of his heart, that still loves her, win. It will be dangerous, it will be heart-breaking, but right now he doesn't care. He doesn't care if it will be for one night or for the rest of their lives, the only thing that matters is that, right now, she is safe. He has to remember it, and to remember it, he needs to feel her in his arms once again. Just once.

* * *

The moment she opens the door, she immediately recognizes the man standing in front of her, and the visual memory triggers everything else, senses, touches, feelings, tastes, scents... She feels the skin, soft and warm, kissed by the sun, under her fingertips. She smells the scent, unique of him, salt water from the ocean he so loved even back then and rosemary. She feels the butterflies, dancing into her stomach, the knot into her throat and tears menacing to escape because of the emotion. She feels the taste of tea, beloved even back then, earl grey with milk and honey, and it's like she is tasting it right now, she feels it on the tip of her tongue. It's like that day, so many years ago…

Because the man standing in front of her isn't Patrick Jane, but Rick, _her Rick. _

He may be older, but it's the same, he is still worried, he is still suffering because she does, he is still in pain…nothing changed, it's always the same, as much as she tried to forget, as much as she tried to avoid it, to forget about him… she couldn't, and she can't. he is always her Rick, he'll always be her Rick. He'll always be the boy she gave herself to, the boy she decided to have her first time with, even if she knew her dad would have hurt her, would even had killed her, had he found out… that time, she did her best to avoid it, but wasn't able to. This time there's no difference. Maybe it's because they found themselves in a life or death situation, or maybe it's because they really never got over what they felt…but right now she doesn't care. Because right now they are not Patrick Jane, consultant kissed by sufferance and death and pain, and Teresa Lisbon, senior agent, boss, with a troubled childhood, but just Rick and Katy- maybe they can't allow themselves to be them for the rest of their lives, but they can be whom they used to be, for a bit, a short while… just one night.

They don't talk. He simply kisses her, closing the door at his back with a quick and strong movement, without breaking contact with her. He kisses her, slowly, but with lust and passion, a clear indication of what he'd like to have after the make-out session. It's like the kiss they shared before making love for the first time, but it's different at the same time. He may have kissed just Angela after her (and, somehow, she is quite sure that he never kissed her that way, she is not sure why, but she just _knows_ it), but she has gained a certain experience – no real romance for her, just one night stands, or, the few times it was, is, romance, it was, is, the wrong man, always the wrong ones for her- or, maybe, simply, they weren't, aren't, him- the damn boy wonder has ruined every men for her, and she used to date a billionaire, for crying out loud!

Like that first time, she melts into him as he slowly and carefully undresses her; differently from that time, even if she is a willingly participant, on a certain level she simply lets it happen, she allows him to do as he pleases, but doesn't encourage it, him- that time, she was the one initiating the contact, the one bringing him inside, the one undressing him. When she comes back to her senses, it's too late, they are bare, skin against skin. She can only damage control the situation, she tries to let it happen, to make it as quick as possible- or maybe she just wants to have a tangible proof that they are both alive. But Rick remains faithful to his world, faithful to what he used to say, to do even back then. He'd never rush into things, he'd never make it quick, he'd never do anything that could avoid the woman in his arms to feel as much pleasure as possible, so, when she tries to convince him with her body to take her against the wall, he refuses, and when she puts her legs around his waist, he lifts her, carrying her into her bedroom.

He makes repeatedly slow, sweet tender but yet lust-filled love with her for the whole night, pleasuring her with his hands and his mouth and his whole body, and it seems she still wants more, she still needs more, never having enough of him, always encouraging him to go faster, harder, to take her once again.

Like that first time, when she has her orgasm she comes screaming Rick's name, and like that time, he comes, empting himself in her hot and burning and welcoming core, whispering a sole word on her breasts, while kissing them, her nipples like soft fruits in his mouth…

"Katy…" as she runs her fingers through his curls like that time, falling asleep, trying to fight the memories that has hunted her for the whole night while they were making love, she knows that this will come back to haunt them, because, in the morning, they'll have to pay the consequences for their actions, and, as already once before, she'll be the one broken-hearted.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist...

You people rocks! I wasn't sure if this story was worth being written, and I'm glad you are keeping giving me inspiration and a push! So, huge thanks to everybody who wrote a line or put this story, and or me, on alert. I want to apologize as well, but I was kind of stuck. Hope next chapter will take me less than a week to get it done!

* * *

A part of her, when she wakes up in the morning, her eyes still closed, would hope that it has been all a dream- pleasant, ecstatic, _and so, so wrong, _but a dream nevertheless. Unfortunately, the arm keeping her firmly against his (naked and mature) chest and their state of undress prove that it hasn't been all a construction of her mind. She did it- she allowed Patrick Jane to take her time and time and time again in her bed, for the whole night…

Sighing, thought, looking at his peaceful and sleeping features, his smile, still in place, as happy as she has seen him maybe a couple of times in his life, she comes to the realization that Patrick didn't take her. the verb "taking" sounds so much as an imposition, as something has been forced on her. but that's not the case. She was a willing participant. She just simply let it happen, she wanted it as much as he did, even if… even if she knew the consequences, even before he started kissing her, because it always happens, it always happened, every time she has been with someone, she has always felt it, saw it, she has always been hunted by the memories, by the sufferance.

It wasn't different this time. It was worst. And it was better at the same time.

She kept having flashes of memory in front of her eyes, right into her mind, as powerful as never before, and she thinks it's because they are connected with him, in a certain sense, that everything started because of Rick so it has sense that he would trigger a more powerful emotional response, a more powerful sensation- she wonders if Rick was aware that he was kissing away her tears, if he knows why she was crying in the first place. maybe he doesn't know. Maybe he thinks she was (is) feeling guilty, maybe he thinks she was (is) already regretting it, when she was still with him, around him, under him…

Funny thing is, as much as she knows it was wrong, as much as she knows she should be ashamed of herself and feel guilty, she can't- she isn't happy, but she is somehow… she feel light and free, somehow. The bad feelings are there, she feels something deep inside her heart, but it's not about her. What makes her feeling ashamed and guilty is something else… is feeling his left hand rubbing unconsciously the tender skin of her abdomen, feeling the cold metal against herself... Angela may be dead, but Rick still sees him as a married man, he said so himself so many times, and she just slept with a married man (again), a man who's as devoted as he may be to his wife's ghost. She has made him a cheater, and she knows he'll hate herself once he'll come back to his senses, once he'll open his eyes and he'll see that Angela isn't there with him, that it's just plain, old her… maybe he thought about his long lost wife while they were together, or maybe he didn't think about somebody in particular, or maybe… _Maybe he thought about me. maybe he cares about me. maybe there's still hope…_

Leaving the bed, carefully freeing herself from his grip, Lisbon sends the thought away. She can't think about it, isn't allowed to. for many, many reasons. She can't think about it because Rick is no longer and the man naked in her bed is Patrick Jane, she can't think about it because it's unprofessional, and mostly, she can't think about it because, while she was losing herself around him, she was thinking about him and him only… and given her current predicament, she knows she wasn't, isn't supposed to. but, after all, had she thought about her current predicament, she'd never been in bed with the blonde in the first place.

Somehow, thanks to Patrick Jane, she forgot, and sometimes she still forgets, everything about Samuel Bosco, the man who has been her superior in San Francisco, the man she had had an affair with, the man who left his wife and his city for her…the man who, in few months' time, she'll get married to.

While walking to the bathroom, she wonders if Sam will still want her as much as he wants her now, when (and if) he'll find out about her escapade…

He opens his eyes and he is still naked, in her bed, alone, the cold getting the best out of him. If the smell of fresh coffee is any indication, it's where (unfortunately) she is, probably wondering about all the reasons they shouldn't do it again, and it was a mistake doing it in the first place. Too bad he doesn't agree.

This isn't how he thought he was going to spend the morning. When he has fallen asleep, he has hoped he'd wake up feeling again, like that only time, Katy in his arms, hoping maybe in some kind of repeating performance, just like that time- he'd not mind, not at all. He has been without it for a long time, longer than anyone should, and he isn't thinking about the sex, he is thinking about _making love._

He and Angela got married less than a year after Li… after _Katy _and Veronica Asterson left. It wasn't exactly what it could be referred to as a marriage of love-more like…he married her for many reasons, and sometimes, he still wonders if he did the right thing- the honorable thing isn't always the right one, someone once told him. But he still did it. He married her, and he had been with her, intimately, biblically, but… it wasn't about love. They were stuck together (with Angela's great joy), he knew it was going to stay that way because it wasn't his style the opposite, so he thought it was at least the case of taking advantage of the situation.

People would probably consider him pretty pathetic. He has been with just two girls in his whole life, and has made love with just one of them, three times, with 20 years of difference between time number 2 and 3.

Is it even possible, still loving her as he used to, after so long? Or is it just that he now loves Teresa Lisbon? Or maybe….maybe, all the years of regrets, all the buts and what ifs while he was with Angela, while he was thinking about the other woman while they were together, almost every minute, mean that… that he never got over her in the first place, some kind of unfinished business, one may say.

He knows he shouldn't allow himself the luxury of loving Teresa Lisbon, loving her, even just being in love with her, is wrong on so many levels… it's wrong because she is his boss, it's wrong because he'll kill Red John and will die trying, it's wrong because she'll take away his focus from avenging the murder of his wife and beloved child, his greatest failure, his greatest fault, and it's wrong because… because there's a part of her that thinks it, and if they'll keep doing it, he knows she'll suffer. She suffered enough the previous night, and if she thinks he didn't realized he was kissing away her tears… like he has already told her, he isn't an idiot.

But… but he has always been a gluttony for punishment, even when he was younger even when they were both just kids – otherwise, he'd never gone after her…

_The showbiz isn't how it used to be any longer, and, after so many years, the carnie needed new attractions. That's why, after having pondered it for so long, Mr. Ruskin, the head of the show, had decided to join forces with someone who had the same problem; the choice had fallen upon the Asterson's people, who were still considered royalties in their world, even if they were more artists than mere performers or carnie people. Unfortunately, the stars weren't shining for them any longer, not as they used to, and when the old man asked to join their businesses, considering that they had already done few numbers together in the past, and that old Dan was respected and well seen as much as the Asterson's themselves, they decided to accept- besides, it wasn't like they have any other choice, if they both want to stay alive, at least._

_Patrick, fifteen years old, and Alex have been with Dan Ruskin's carnie for less than a year when the two group meet outside San Diego. He has never met any them, it's been almost one year and an half since last time the "teams" got together for a show. He doesn't know any of them, but, somehow, he _sees _her, among the others, as soon as she leaves, reluctantly, the car of the someone old and that seems awfully, in not rich, at least powerful. She is younger than him, not so much, though, more or less a couple of years, short but with infinite legs that he spots under the summer dress with small flowers all over it (very romantic), her ringlets are long, they reach her lower back, and of a soft brown, so light she could pass by a blonde. For an instant, while she grips her violin (or at least he thinks it's a violin. It's just the bag), their eyes meet. Patrick has never seen such a color, it's a mix of grey and lavender, and when she notices him grinning at her, she quickly turns away, but only after he notices the delicious shade of pink her face has taken, and all because of him. he is already addicted to the effect he has on her, and has decided that get her to blush will be his new mission in life. _

_ He makes to move in order to approach her, but Samantha stops him, always the mature and reasonable one between their group of teens. She takes him for his wrist, and brings the boy back to sit at her side, with all the strength she can find. She is annoyed, he can tell, but… she seems worried, and maybe, just even a bit scared. But of what, or whom?_

_"Rick, listen to me: whatever you are planning, if it involves _that girl, _don't. she just means troubles."_

_"C'mon, it's just a girl… and besides, I'm not planning anything, scout promise!"_

_"Ok, first, you've never been a scout, second, she isn't just a girl, but the last pearl of the Asterson's empire, Name's Katherine. The old man you saw leaving the car before her? Her Grandpa, aka the big, bad, and scary boss. The Asterson man are quite possessive of their women, especially if they are assets, like Kat and her mum. I'm telling you, those girl shouldn't belong here. They are not just performers, they are… artists."_

_A small grin and lifted eyebrows adorns his face, as, with crossed arms, he turns to face her again, hos body still positioned to face, in the distance, Kate. "You know Sam, I've never heard you talking this nicely about marks."_

_"Once you'll see her dancing or playing that violin, you'll understand. She is always so sad and alone, but when she is on the stage, it's like she is someone else. She shines, and she is so happy, it's like you feel part of her show, like you are there, with her and you can feel whatever she is feeling along with her… and her mum…"_

_"I don't understand. If they are that good, why wasting their time here? They could sent the kid to a school, or something like that, right? or maybe, they could perform for real… they money can't be that bad!"_

_ "You don't understand, Patrick, it's because she is that good the Asterson's will never allow them to leave… and what the Asterson's want, the Asterson's get. The old man daughter's, Juliet, few years ago escaped with a guy. Few weeks later, they found him in an alley, beaten almost to death, and Juliet… poor woman's just a freak right now, someone threw acid at her face!"_

_"C'mon, Sam, are you telling me that they are what, Carnie mobsters?"_

_"I'm telling you no one could say the attacks were related with the Asterson's, but there are rumors in our world, and rumors told the Asterson's were involved. So, better stay away from her if you value that nice face of yours."_

_He doesn't even wait for Sam to be away to walk in direction of the girl standing in a corner all alone, and offering her his hand. "Hi, I'm Patrick, but my friends call me Rick. What's your name?" That's not true, though. He never allowed his friends to call him Rick- he is Patrick or Pat. But he wants this girl to be… special. He wants for her to call him Rick. _

_She looks at his hand, and then at his eyes, and he can say, oh, he can say she'd want to take it, she'd like to be carefree and talk with him, but, as soon as he notices the hard line of her lips, he understands. She is the way she is because it's what it's expected from her, and she is scared of being otherwise. She moves away without even daring to answer him, or give him a second look. As he looks at her (nice) back, he can't help but grin. he'll become friends with her, whatever it takes. He never cared about adults' stupid rules before, he isn't going to care now._

He has gone after her once when he wasn't allowed to. There's a good chance he'll do it again, because he isn't sure he can still survive without being with her.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist...

You people rocks! I wasn't sure if this story was worth being written, and I'm glad you are keeping giving me inspiration and a push! So, huge thanks to everybody who wrote a line or put this story, and or me, on alert... and stay tuned, 'cause I think there could be a new update later this week!

* * *

He tip-toes around the house completely naked, because the previous evening they've dealt with the issue of the clothes in her living room, and he didn't feel like intruding in her wardrobe searching for male items- he doesn't even want to start thinking about what finding such items could mean, for her, for him, and for the potential "us" that they are, and when he gets dressed- just shirt, pants and boxers – he doesn't do it for modesty (she saw everything there is to see many times already) but because he knows that he'd just stressed her out further more… They are not even in the same room, he hasn't seen her yet, but somehow he can hear the swirls turning in her head. It's amazing when, coming to the heart, she is still the same girl he marked as his own when they were way younger.

He leans against the doorframe of her kitchen, and observes her, in silence. Lisbon is busy cooking something for breakfast, something not entirely too healthy from the smell of it, giving him her back and dancing few moves to a beat she sing-sings at loud, some pop music he thinks. He never thought she was one for pop music. She was all about classic, sometimes Latin music with a bit of blues and jazz in few occasions. He never thought she was one for pop or rock.

But she is. And what moves… she moves exactly like back then, and it's quite incredible, he realizes grinning. But it's her he is thinking about, after all. she always loved her music with a passion, it's only natural she kept in shape. And she did keep in shape, especially her body. He saw it with his own two eyes. She is definitely fitted, for both the job and the dance. (but maybe not classic ballet any longer. she is too muscular for it right now).

He is wondering what to do-actually, he is just thinking about how he could approach her convincing her they should have a repeat performance of the previous night and evening, racing to get to the bed, but he is gone the instant he feels the room filled with the aroma of his favorite tea. His smirks gets wilder and wilder, bigger and bigger. Apparently, she was thinking about waking him up in bed. Maybe, after all, she is having torrid thought about them as well…

He reaches, like a predator, her in a couple of steps, and takes her, and forces her to turn in his embrace. One arm is encircling her petite waist, the other one captures the back of her head, taking her for her long dark hair, forcing her give him access, access to her lips.

She can't even really answer to his kiss. Right now, he is taking everything he couldn't from her-even if he doesn't know it yet. But, still, she knows it. she knows of Sam, she knows she belongs to Sam Bosco and Sam Bosco only, but she finds herself at loss of words. She can't fight him. She isn't sure she can't fight his tongue invading her mouth, fighting with her own for dominance. She is gone the moment he hoists her up on the counter, she is gone the moment he parts her thighs with his knee, positioning himself between them. She is gone the moment he starts nipping the skin of her neck, even if she should think about how masking them for the day Sam will come back "home", she is so gone she doesn't even register his hand (or is it hands? she isn't sure. It seems they are everywhere at the same time…) lifting the hem of her shirt and moving out the way her underwear. She is so gone she doesn't even register if and when he frees himself of the clothes that were keeping him captive. She is so gone she doesn't register him positioning himself at her opening.

Or, maybe, at this point, she just doesn't care any longer. She is too gone, too lost in this man to even trying to think about the fact they don't belong to each other. Maybe, the truth is that her mind is somewhere else, in a place where she does belong to him and he does belong to her, always have and always will, because it feels too right, so it has to be right… she is to the point of not caring about the outcome, even if she knows it, even if she _remembers _it- heartbreak.

_Her father disappeared a week before. It's not unusual, to make the disappearing act, for Katy's dad. he enjoys too much getting wasted, and when he does, he forget about everyone and everything. She told him one time he had been away for almost a months, he drunk himself to liquid oblivion with a fake blonde and got somewhere with her, getting wasted day after day until, a couple of weeks later, the money run off and she left. So he decided to come back home to his wife and kid and decided that they were going to take him back, which they did, time after time, every damn time. Rick can't understand it, not totally, at least, even if did hear the stories. His best guess is that Veronica is scared to dead by the Asterson's, and that Katy just goes along with her mum because she loves the woman too much._

_This time, though, is different. Katy's scared, always ready to jump, especially if one from the family comes too close to her. She isn't even allowing him to touch her, just here and there, barely noticeable lingering touches, sometimes holding hands, few kisses, not that passion-filled, every now and then. _

_Her mother is scared as well. He saw her crying once, and he doesn't really understand the reason. Maybe she is scared that her husband will come back- that can only be the only reason. After all, why crying when she has been the one hoping time after time that he'll stay where he is, putting an end to her personal hell? (He is too concerned by the two women to notice that even his father is acting weirdly)._

_He'd like to ask for an explanation, but two days later, when he and Katy are under the same tree they exchanged their first kiss, he almost (almost) forgets it. they're kissing like there's not tomorrow, with such a lust-no love, definitely not love- he has never experienced before, not with her, never with her. And she has been the one to initiate the contact. _

_Things almost (almost) gets out of hand when she starts to straddle his hips, her blue summer dress lifted enough to give Rick's hands free reign on the skin of her lower back. he almost (almost) forgets everything when she starts to work on his pants – he has never though she could be that bold or adventurous, with them being out in the open, with the danger of being caught while having their wicked ways with each other. _

_He remembers his intensions as soon as he feels her tears wetting his face, as soon as his blue eyes met her lavender-grey ones and he realizes she isn't crying out of joy, but because something is wrong. _

_He parts, with a bit of reluctance, and helps her to get both decent enough. He doesn't need to ask her want's wrong. she knows the answer as soon as she sees it in his eyes. They've never had need of words. They'll never will. It's not how they communicate._

_"I want out of this life. Mum wants us out of this life, and with dad gone this could be our only chance." She pauses, her eyes locked into his ones, their fingers interlaced.. "let's run away together. Me, you, my mum. I'm sure even your dad wouldn't mind..."_

_"Yeah, and, to what, exactly? Katy, dad and I, we just have this, and each other. this is what we are good at, the only thing we are good at. I'm nothing like this. besides… why running away? Until your father is gone, you'll be ok, and once he'll be back, I promise you, dad and I will protect you broth from him" he pauses, looking at her sad eyes. "C'mon, Katy, we'll build our life here, among our people. We'll get our own number, one day. Maybe I could be a magician and you could be my assistant!" _

_"Yeah, right…" she smiles of a small smile, and kisses him, lightly on the cheek, then leaves, running back to the "camp" with that same sad smile on her face. She just turns once, saying goodbye with her hand, and blowing him a kiss... _

_He thinks he sees her crying, and he doesn't like it. he has a bad omen about this whole thing…he feels like this one has been their last kiss. _

"You're mine and I want you to think of me and us every time you'll sit here… will you do that for me?" he asks her, almost begging, between kisses and strokes of his hand on her most sensitive inner walls. She just nods, and he is kind of relieved- even if he is quite sure that to make her remember it better he'll have to show her time after time exactly why she should remember it and what she should remember in the first place.

She is gone and just nods to whatever he asks her. she is gone when the phone rings-she doesn't care, there's the answer machine and besides to answer the phone she'll have to part from him and she doesn't feel like it. what they are going and what they'll do (again) is way better than talking on the phone.

_"Resa, honey, it's me, Sam. I just wanted to tell you that I've scheduled my flight, and that I should arrive in Sacramento next Sunday. Hope you'll not mind if I'll drop by your apartment while I'm still house-hunting… it's just that, between Mandy, the kids and switching job… besides, I don't really see why we can't go house-hunting together, since we'll eventually have to do it together in a short while. I mean… why wasting time that way, right? I really think we should think about it, honey. I love you, baby, and you can't imagine how much I miss you. I can't wait for us to be together again…"_

As soon as she hears the voice coming from the answering machine she jumps, and parts from Patrick. She runs upstairs, naked, covering her mouth hoping he'll not hear her sobbing too much, hating herself for what she did to both men.

She doesn't know that the only reason he doesn't hear her crying, curled in fetal position on her carpet in a corner, it's because he made quick job of his clothes to leave.

When he told her he'd never leave that life behind he broke her. and now, taking him to her bed while she belonged to another one, she broke him as well.

They're not sure they'll be whole ever again.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist...

You people rocks! I wasn't sure if this story was worth being written, and I'm glad you are keeping giving me inspiration and a push! So, huge thanks to everybody who wrote a line or put this story, and or me, on alert... and if I haven't gotten back with a pm for your review, a huge SORRY!

* * *

She finds excuses to avoid going into work Monday- and the excuse seems to be that her "boyfriend" has arrived just the previous day. Minelli doesn't even try to fight it. he just accepts it, like he already knew it. apparently he was the only one knowing it. Nobody mentioned the existence of a boyfriend, fiancé or whatever this Sam guy is. Not that it's weird. Teresa Lisbon doesn't share. She doesn't talk about her past. She doesn't talk about her present or her future, because there's Teresa- or is it Katy? He is kind of confused right now – and then there's Agent Lisbon. There's the job and then there's the life outside the job, and she doesn't mix them.

Well, until him, that it is. But with him, everything is different. After all, he is the one who knew her from before, from the day she used to be, literally, a different person. It's just case that brought them together once again, as together they can be. he isn't sure that they could be together again, not as they once sued to be, not like they've been just few nights before in her bed. And he doesn't know if he can stands it or not. He craves her, and not just her touches and her presence in her, his, their bed. He craves _her._

Sometimes he thinks she is the one keeping him safe, keeping him grounded. Or at least, he used to. Now, he isn't so sure any longer. He thought that brining her to bed was enough of showing how much he needs her in his life, but instead…. It's not just the fact that she (still, for now) belongs to another one, Jane, as he told her many, many, too many times, isn't a stupid man. There's something else. Something happened in the years they've been apart, or maybe when she started distancing herself from him, when they were supposed to still mean something to each other, and she isn't telling him what, she didn't tell him what. Something broke inside her, he doesn't know what, he doesn't know when, and this is the real reason she keeps them being apart, the reason she pretends she doesn't want him.

He wonders if it's just that he refuses to go along with her that day, refuses to try to convince his dad to abandon that life of lies and manipulation and moving all over the country, the reasons she says, with facts, not words, never with words, they are through. Or maybe… back then he didn't think about it. back then, he was young and naïf and stupid and arrogant and egoistical. She asked to leave their old life behind, to move on from what she considered a nightmare. He told her not, he told her to stay, he told her was going to make a star of her, that they were going to eventually be on their own, with their own number. Right now, he realizes he made a mistake.

He never asked her the real reason she wanted out. he assumed she was simply tired and bored, that it was her mother doing the talking and her following whenever the woman was going. right now he isn't so sure any longer. He knows that in the last few weeks she has been with the carnie, she has been… different, on edge. He thought it was because of them, because of what they did, that she regretted it. He even got close to ask her if she was pregnant- that first time they've been that stupid and naïf to not "bother" with protection, (there's a pattern, he thinks, somewhere there) since it was their first time, the first time together, he first time, and his first time (Because he has known right from the first instant he saw her that it was going to about her, just her, all of her, forever and ever. One look and he was gone for good, every other girl has disappeared, ruined for life), and who could get pregnant on their first time? (Two days after he considered asking her, she had her monthly chocolate cravings and bad mood).

But he never asked, and before he could do it, she was gone, disappeared out of the blue in the middle of the night. He just assumed she was bored and egoistical, that she never really cared about him. maybe she was, after all, like all the other girls always following him, always trying to win him over. Maybe, after all, all she wanted was really a quick fuck in the back Pete's truck, to get someone's attention, to feel beautiful and loved, like Angie had said more than once while trying to "comfort" him, trying to convince him to being comforted in her unique way. Or maybe…

Or maybe, when she moved away, he was so heartbroken that to make the ache a little smaller, a little less painful, he accepted to believe to everything and everyone, even to the voices in his head, the voices in his heart, the voices all around him telling him she wasn't a good person and didn't love him and didn't deserve being loved this way.

He doesn't know. He just knows that he don't know nothing about that, in fact he doesn't know nothing at all. or maybe, he did. He feels again the ache in his heart, and again it's because of her.

It's kind of sad that it's not for his family that he stays awake at night nowadays.

He thought he had been in pain before, though he has cried all the tears he could cry for her, but the next days he finds it it's not that way. He can still crying, maybe just inside, but it's still crying nevertheless, for Katy, Lisbon, Teresa.

He goes to sit on his couch as soon as he arrives, and he immediately notices it, the team is looking in direction of her office while pretending to do their jobs, but they are stealing glances in that direction, in direction of the glass panels. He knows it because he is doing the same.

He can't see too well what's going on inside, with the blinds pulled off, but he can makes up their silhouettes. There's three people in the room. One is Minelli, standing in front of Lisbon in the middle of the office, and then… there's someone else, embracing Teresa, _his woman, _with an arm around her shoulders. It's a man, tall, he seems a bit muscular, not too much. he isn't fat, of that much he is sure, and… he'd say he is bald.

He'd say that he doesn't like the way he act possessive towards Teresa Lisbon, keeping her as close as decency allows them to, and he definitely doesn't like the way Minelli shakes the guy's hand. It took the old man all he had to finds the strength to shake Jane's hand, but this guy, this guy who's after Teresa Lisbon, who claims to own her, has it like it's nothing, like it's not such a big deal. He isn't sure he likes it.

He understand he doesn't like it when, soon afterwards, they leave the office. The man is everything Jane thought he was, only just… worst. He is probably in his middle forties, bald and not too muscular but muscular enough (he was right) and as soon as they leave they security of her office Lisbon breaks the contact. Jane can't help but smiling, always professional when she is around her team, little Katy, always needing people's trust, people's good opinion. He assumes that there's just things that can't be changed with the passing of time, and this one seems one of them.

She says goodbye to her boss with just a "Sir", and just makes a movement with her head and hand to say hi to the bald man, then retreat back to the safety of her office, without bothering to turns on the blinds. She even arrives to turn the lights off, just her small lamp remains. He can imagine her, her hands covering her face, having an headache, trying to get an hold of her, trying to take a decision. He has a feeling their sleeping encounter, where they didn't sleep at all, hasn't been that casual for her, hasn't been without any emotion behind it.

He knows it because he felt the same, he feels the same. Only, he has already found an answer. He knows what, or better yet, who he wants, and the one he wants it's her. he doesn't care her motives for breaking it up with him now and before. He doesn't care about the fact that she seems to belong to another one. he wants her, and he has always been a gluttony, a persistent one even, so what he wants he eventually gets it. and he has decided that she is the one he wants.

He knows he'll need time, he'll need time to win her trust, he'll need to time to convince her they can be friends, to convince her to move past that and be something more, he'll need time to convince her it hasn't been just about sex, that it's not just about Angela and Charlotte for him any longer. He knows he'll need time to convince her that he made a mistake and he isn't going to make it a second time… but he hopes that he'll eventually manage to win her over.

He doesn't even care about what the gossipers of the office says, especially Maud Sinclair from employment, even if she is such a great resource for info. He doesn't care that this new man, Samuel "Sam" Bosco Jr. from SFPD, new head of the Serial Crime Unit, has her. He doesn't… she is worth way more than this guy, who seduced her, used her. this man, Jane saw it in his eyes, was looking for fun in bed, for an easy way out of his unhappy marriage, a way to get rid of children he never really wanted, and he used her, used the power he had upon her as his superior. And she has always been so fragile, and has fallen for him, fallen for it. and when she realized what was going on, it was too late to stop it.

The jackass probably just decided they were supposed to get married, because after he did leave his wife and his beloved kids for her, right? and he didn't even bother with an engagement ring. If Teresa Lisbon was his girl, his woman, he'd marked her as his own in every possible way- an engagement ring, a wedding band, and maybe even a child growing into her womb (that'd be the best mark of them all).

He knows she regrets every single second of her relationship with this man, but she feels guilty. He has to admit Bosco is a great actor, one of the best performer he has ever seen, probably worth an Academy Award. He has been able to let her believe it was her fault, that he is suffering because his marriage is over (because of her), suffering because to be with her he left his job in San Francisco and his home and his friends and his family, suffering because he can no longer be a dad for his children. Truth to be told, he is just scum, a jackass, and he'll eventually help her to open her eyes. He'll not tell her, though, not now at least. She'd never believed him.

But, still, there's something giving him hope, something he just knows, he just feels- like the connection they used to have when they were kids is still there. Lisbon regrets the night she moved into Bosco's bed, but she doesn't regret the night she went into one with him. he knows she doesn't regret it, she doesn't regret it, but she is scared and confused and hurt. The pain goes away, just a bit, just slightly, but it's still better, a way better. It's not everything, but it's enough, it's a step forward.

With time, he'll help her clearing her mind, with time, he'll show what and who is best for her, with time, he'll show her he is the best man, the only man for her.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist... I barely create using them, hoping that someone in the right place will see the light and give me a bit of Jisbon every now and then...

Thank you very much people! you can't imagine how happy Ia m every time I see an alert or a favorite for this story... and, by the way, this story-line is my take on the events of 3.2, where Danny Ruskin, Patrick's brother in law and former carnie as well, made his apparence...

* * *

She knew that he house of cards would have eventually collapsed, but she thought it'd be because of Rick, and not because of Angela's younger brother, Danny.

It's a couple of months after that night when one evening, Danny -Daniel Ruskin Jr. – calls Patrick, telling him he needs his help because he is in troubles. The boy doesn't even knows how big his troubles her, because he is, somehow, involved in a murder, the murder of a guy he was trying to fraud.

Her heart breaks out of fear when Rick, when _Jane _calls to tell her what happened, who called, mostly because he got involved so there's a good chance that SPD will eventually call her, asking her to get involved (Sam, when she reaches for the phone on the nightstand and tells him who it is, doesn't like that he is calling her up at night, like he doesn't like that he asks for her and for her to get involved. He likes even less that she accepts to get involved in the first place. She risks way too much for this Jane guy, he keeps saying, keeps putting her career in the line for someone who doesn't give a damn about her, just uses her). Things is, when, and not if, never if, she'll get involved, she'll end up meeting Danny. She is risking everything she has worked so hard for, just because of that stupid kid. Or maybe, she is just paranoid. After all, last time he saw her, Danny was just 14, maybe he'll not recognize her, maybe he'll not make the connection. Just because Jane did, it doesn't mean he'll do as well. They weren't that close, not as much as she and Rick were.

She doesn't know if she should be frustrated or just mad or even plain disappointed with herself. She keeps telling herself lies after lies after lies. That she and Danny weren't close is just another one. they just were close in a different way, in a more… familiar way, a siblings kind of way.

She had been around the Ruskin's carnie since the day she was born, because the Asterson performed together with them for many months each year. Danny was five years younger than her, and, since she and Angela were around the same age, the families tried to "force" them to spend time together (mostly because there was no reason in wasting two people looking after children if one could do the job), but they were already so different… Angela was as beautiful as the creature she was called after, was her father's little girl, already spoiled like a princess, like the royalty she was, she always needed people's attention, always needed to hear them telling her how perfect she was, how good looking, how she played the piano well, even if she didn't even know the notes. Teresa was her opposite. Like the song said, she was the kind of baby who was a dancer before she could walk, that she began to sing long before she could talk; she was just a baby, and people already turned to look at her whenever she was on the stage with her mum. But she was shy, she didn't like the attention, she was sensitive and she already loved caring for the others, so, as soon as he learned to walk around, when she was with them, Danny ended being always at her back, fisting the tissues of her dresses and her costumes to keep up with whom he considered his big sister while eating up his thumb. Angela wasn't perfect, but she was the closest she had to a female best friend, or at least that what she thought at the time.

But right now it doesn't matter. Right now she doesn't care about the past. Right now, the only thing that matters is that Danny has Rick. Danny has a gun. And that Danny hates Rick because of what happened to Charlotte and Angela. She has to find them before it's too late, and there's only one place where she can find the information she so desperately need… she has made a house of cards with her lies, but like all the houses of cards, hers is going to collapse.

She doesn't even know how she thought she could spend her whole life pretending – maybe that's the reason Rick took off on his own with this Danny thing, because he wanted to help her to keep her secret safe.

Nothing changed at all in all the years she has been away, it's just the same, always the same. Her world, hers and Jane's, it's still the same. It never changes, it's frozen, like in stasis, there's always just them, the carnie people, and the others, the marks. She hated it as much as she hated her family, that's why she wanted a way out, that's why she did what she had to do what she did, why she… that's just the reason for everything. Still, she can't help but wonder if she is still part of that world, if maybe a small part of her still wants, still needs it, because…after all… performing, that she loved. It was all the rest she didn't agree with, she doesn't.

Then… she sees him. Pete's in his middle forties, but there's something in him that makes her scream, as soon as she sees him, that it's the same 25 years old boy she last saw in that same spot, working on that same pick-up- she has few memories of it, but isn't that fond of them, they reminds her why doesn't want to let Jane drive. She approaches him, slowly, carefully, shy, keeping her hands in her pockets. She has removed the contacts, showing her grey lavender eyes, and tries to force eye-contact, as much as she is ashamed of herself. But it's the least she can do, considering she abandoned this world, and she is asking them to break few cardinal rules.

"Sweetheart, fairs' not open yet, either you scram, or, even if you are a lady, I'll not mind giving you a good whupping! There's a reason "no trespassing" is written all over the place!"

She smiles of a little smile when the good giant comes closer and closer, showing a bit of arrogance. Her father, and her grand-father, showed her the trick. And yes, Rick as well. "Yeah, you sure you can do that, Pete? I mean, aren't you a little rusty, after so many years working on that damn pick-up of yours? And I bet it still has all the signs of that time we stole it from you in the middle of the night, and we crashed it against a nearby tree not even ten minutes later!"

She still blushes at the memory. Truth to be told? They had stolen it to go somewhere private to have a honest to God make-out session without being disturbed.

The man's eyes widens in recognition. Of course, it's hard connecting the almost 40 years old woman he has in front of him with the less than 20 years old girl he once knew, but her words, and her unique green/violet eyes… and those smile of façade… "_Katy_?" his voice it's almost a whisper, and he gets closer and closer to her, to study her better, to try to see if it's really her, like he could need other evidences. "Katy!" he screams her name, lifting her in the air, and, still with the woman in his arms, he runs towards a roulette, laughing like he was some drunk idiot, screaming for Samantha, his girlfriend around the time she left- apparently, some things are just meant to be, meant to never change.

"Sam, honey! I've got a surprise for you!" the dark skinned woman she used to know as a girl leaves the roulette, now a grown up adult in her late thirties. Lisbon knows who she is dealing with, but Sam just studies her, inspects her, like Pete has done few minutes before. Is it that wrong coming back just to ask for their help, even if for someone they know better, for Rick? Is it worth the risk, the pain? "Ehy, have you seen who I brought?"

Sam gets closer and closer, until just few inches are separating them. Sam keeps the right hand on her hip, the other one is lifted in the air, pointing a finger at Teresa like an accuse, and the cop can't help but wonder if it's because Sam doesn't know who she is dealing with, or if it's because she knows it too well. "You know, I should slap you in the face for what you did, but I think that, for once, I'll give you the benefit of doubt" Sam laughs, embracing the other woman, and Lisbon feels like crying when she answers to the hug.

Is it wrong missing few things from this life, the few good ones? "I'd probably deserve it anyway, so no big deal" she says, her words muffled a bit by Sam's robe against her mouth. She is so lost in the moment, she doesn't even notice when Pete leaves them alone and Sam brings her inside, making her sit in front of her- it's too much, everything at the same time, and she is having an hard time with dealing with all of this.

"Danny's in trouble" she says, torturing the hem of her shirt like she sued to do when she was just a kid. Sam looks at her with suspicion and surprise. Sam takes Lisbon's hands in her owns, a gesture she was quite used to, people always worried about her in the past, people still worries about her now.

"Danny's a good guy, but he has the tendency of getting into troubles, you know it. Wonna talk about all the times someone caught him red handed?"

"I know he can be a bit wild at times, but it's the worst kind of trouble we're talking about here. Sam, Danny may have taken part into a murder, or at least witnessed it. All I know for now is that he was on the crime scene because he had an appointment with the victim, whom he was trying to con, around the time of death."

"You caught me for a sec…until you started using technicalities, I'd never guessed you were a cop." Sam laughs a bit, then grins with a mix of rage and hurt. "That's why Danny called you? Because Katy Asterson is a cop now?"

"Danny didn't called me. After I left, we lost contact. But… ha called Rick, and Rick called me. And now Rick is gone and we know for a fact that they are together… and Danny is armed and…" she pauses, hurt, on the verge of tears. "Danny is a good guy, or at least, he used to be, but he has always been too…instinctive. And I'm scared of what he could do to Rick. Apparently, they didn't part on best terms." She lowers her eyes, hoping that Sam will not take the hint, the rest of the sentence that is hanging in the air. _I can't risk losing him again, not now. _Probably because it would mean admitting it with herself as well.

"Katy…" Sam whispers.

She snaps at the mention of her given name, her real given name. it always upsets her, she was upset the few times it happened, only in a couple of occasions it didn't, and it was because to whisper her name was… was the one she'd wanted to whisper in till the end of times. "Teresa. My name is Teresa Lisbon now. I haven't been Katy Asterson in…" _in seven weeks, since the night I made love to Rick in my bed, even if I was engaged. _"Sam, I know Danny, and maybe it's because I can't forget the kid he used to be, but I'll never believe he took someone's life. Someone is framing him, but acting as he does, he is just going to cause a manhunt, endangering his life and the one of Rick! I just want to help him!"

"Like you did when you left, you mean? Is that your way of helping him, of helping Rick?"

"I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE!" She screams, her eyes filled with tears, her fists firmly closed, so firmly that her nails are making her skin bleeding a bit.

_From the window of her car, she looks at the two adults, hidden in the dark as the car itself. She doesn't know if they know she is still awake, last time her mother has checked she was asleep, but.. she wonders if the woman is aware that her child just pretends to be asleep, nowadays, because it was too much, and what happened…it probably will haunt her until her last days. _

_"Alex, I really… I don't have words. I know you never liked us, but…" Veronica is almost begging. It's new, Katy has never seen her beg before, not even with her father. Her mother has always been strong, always been proud. _

_"I didn't like your husband, and I don't like your father in law. You and this girl, on the other hand…"he pauses, looking at the window of the car, at the point where Katy is faking sleep with her ears well open. "Patrick says you are wasted here. He is right, but… it's not just about talent. You're too good for this place._ _Even a man like me can recognize it. Besides… soon enough it will get dangerous for the two of you, and… Patrick loves that girl of yours, he could never survive if something would happen to her. But maybe, if she'll just leave…maybe he'll learn to cope, with time."_

_"Listen, I know that's not how you envisioned your life… and that son of yours.. Patrick's a great guy, with such a potential… maybe…why don't you leave?"_

_"If we leave together, we'd rise suspicions and we'd be easily tracked...believe me, Veronica, we're all better this way… and who knows what fate has in stores for us. Maybe one day we'll meet again."_

_"Just… I really don't know what to say, Alex, we just… we'll never be able to repay you" Veronica pauses, cupping his face with an hand; she is unable to resist the tears to fall any longer. "I don't care what people say, you're a good man, Alexander Jane"_

_"No, I'm not, I know what and who I am, but I'd never…I'd never do to any child of mine what he did to Katy. Veronica, you two did what you had to, you didn't have any choice left...if the rest of the world can't see it, or worst, is ready to allow it to happen, it's their problem." Holding her a quite big envelope, Alex leaves, and, few minutes later, there isn't a single trace of mother and daughter any longer._

She jumps from the seat, in tears, ready to storm off from the place, until a voice calls her back. "Danny doesn't come here to work any longer, but he sometimes hangs around with the guys… I think one of them could know where he is right now. Ask Pete. If words goes around that it's because he and Rick need help, they'll talk."

She stops, and turns. "Thanks., I'll do my best, Sam. He was my friend, once, you know."

She is already out of the door when Sam calls back yet again. "You said that Rick… does it mean that you two…" she shakes her head, no.

"I'm not the right girl any longer, and besides, I'm engaged. Rick and I, we just…" she pauses, trying to find the right answer, something that could make everybody happy, her included. "We just work together." As she leaves, she wonders if that's the biggest lie she has ever said.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist... I barely create using them, hoping that someone in the right place will see the light and give me a bit of Jisbon every now and then...

Thank you very much people! you can't imagine how happy Ia m every time I see an alert or a favorite for this story... and, by the way, this story-line is my take on the events of 3.2, where Danny Ruskin, Patrick's brother in law and former carnie as well, made his apparence...

* * *

He doesn't know the place where Danny brings him, he has never been there, not even in the past, not even when he and Danny were almost a family, were a family. if he has to be honest, he didn't even bother to see where they were driving to while Danny drove the plain car. Always smart his Danny, never using something too visible, always melting into the crowds like he thought him to.

They seat in front of each other for a long while, in an incredible silence. And the things they should, could say to each other…. The things they used to share in the past. He has been a guide for young Danny, he knows that, kind of a role model, the older brother he never had. And before he got together with Angela… he even used to be an actual good role model, but after he married the woman…

He regrets the things he did, he really does. He'd never do them again, or at least… a lot of them, and, it's weird and complicated. He doesn't regret Charlotte, he could never regret her, but… he regret what he had with Angela, it's kind of sick and wrong but he can't help it… because he wanted to be a good person, he even managed to escape the carnie with her to be the person he has always wanted to be, but Angela… nothing was enough for Angela Ruskin-Jane. Angela wanted the fame, the money, a lot of money, she wanted the spotlight, hanging out with the beautiful people, and she didn't care who had to pay for her wishes, him or they daughter, it really didn't matter until she got what she wanted.

Angela couldn't settle down, didn't want to. he had asked her to think about working simply for the Police Forces of the State, tried to make her understand the good he could do with his gifts, but, he'll never forget her answer. He'll never forget many things about her. he'll never forget the way his heart keep breaking, bleeding for someone else, regretting the past, if not for one choice and one choice only…

_He has tried to talk with her about leaving the (fake) psych business since their early days of their marriage, and if at the beginning he could be (kind of) ok with playing the role for saving for the future, now, after over 10 years, it's no longer the case- they have it all, the picture (fake) _ _ perfect life, a mansion on the seaside in Malibu, with a Jaguar parked in the garage, they have the most perfect (brown haired, green eyed) not so-baby any longer girl, they have money, they have fame and fans and everything they could ask from life, nothing of what they used to both have when they were teens, even if she was (kind of) royalty. _

_"I'm just saying, I liked helping this FBI guy, it made me feel… useful."_

_Angela is looking at herself in the mirror, her natural brown hair turned blonde and in soft but yet unnatural weaves, not to cover grey or white hair, but just because she feels more sophisticated that way. And the looks is everything there is for a person in this new life she has (kind of) forced her husband to build for the 3 of them. _

_Right now isn't any different: Patrick is standing at her back, tired, stressed, and guilty for what he does every day of his life. He even seems older than he really is, while she is standing in front of a mirror, trying to find the perfect earrings for the latest party where only who's someone, only who's really "in" will be invited. _

_And, thanks to Patrick's " job", thanks to how good he is, and to the show he just received on a national channel, they are in. they're not already big celebrities, just B-List, but it's just for now. She knows that, in a couple of weeks' time, they'll start getting invitations for the real big events, and not only Malibu. She has always wished to see, to live in Los Angeles, in Hollywood, and maybe, if she'll play her cards well enough, she'll even be able to get that spot on some drama, or some soap, she so like to look at. _

_And she has always been extremely good at playing her cards...the fact that she is married to formerly known as Patrick Jane the psych boy wonder is proof enough, like the small army of broken hearts she always leave at her back wherever she goes. Too bad her cards will not be enough if he keeps going on and on about this consulting job… but maybe, this is just another occasion in which she'll get to play her cards (and him) like she prefers._

_"You know Patrick, you are right" she turns, and smiles at him, like she means it, throwing her arms around his neck. he can feel the outline of her naked form beneath the fabric of the dress, but he doesn't say anything about it, because Charlotte is still at home, and Charlotte doesn't deserve to see them fighting, destroying what people thinks it's picture perfect. Still, for a moment he buys it. "I don't see why not doing a bit of pro bono work for them every once and then. It'd be such a good advertise for your carrier, especially now, with the talk show coming soon in just few weeks!"_

_He throws her, away from himself, and Angela almost falls on the bed, almost being the magical word, because everything this woman does, he knows it, it's a lie, it's false, it's calculated. "I'm serious, Ang. I think I made a mistake accepting this job…I should have never have accepted it. I'm asking for too much attention, and you know like me that the first rule of the con is never being the same person for too long, and we've lived here for so many years…."_

_She takes a big breath, and starts to conjure in her mind all the images of her past, everything she had to go through as a child, everything she promised herself she'd left behind when she (almost) forced Pat to escape with her. she knows that not being the richest and just carnie made her an outsider, and she never liked it. she didn't come to life for being an outsider, but to get the spotlight, and she'll get it, whatever it takes. It will not be that sorry excuse of an husband she took hoping to become a star to stop her._

_"It's not just your choice, Pat!" she cries, covering her mouth with her hands like to mask the tears falling on her delicate features. "we are a family, it's _our _choice. And you can't ask me to accept that you're gonna be injured because you were on a crime scene, or, or…." Angela's hands are on his chest, gripping him like for dear life, her eyes focused on his torso, not his eyes never his eyes. It couldn't work, with eye-contact. "Just… I don't want for Charlotte to grew up without her father…and… if you'll start helping them out…I fear that… you'll never be able to make her that promise."_

_He closes his fists, clenching them, knowing that she has him, she got him with the only topic that can get his attention, the only thing eh really cares about, his only treasure… his daughter (kind of, maybe, who knows). "Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't be that… egoistic. I should have asked you first what you thought before making an agreement, and I should have thought about Charlotte. I'm really sorry, Ang. Can you forgive me?" she just gives him a quick peck on the lips before moving on with what she was doing early. _

_Years later, he'll never tell Doctor Sophie Miller about the fact he felt guilty because he never had been strong enough to convince Angie to let it go of this life, and not because of what he said that night. Another one killed his wife, and, in what world a person kills someone just because the partner is a jerk? Sometimes, he wonders if it's weird that he doesn't feel guilty for what happened to Angela, not so much, but can't stand the thought of having robbed the world of such a creature like young and innocent Charlotte._

"Just…stop stalling, Danny, and tell me the truth so I can bring you to Mexico"he tells him, suddenly, without even moving, without even looking at him. there's a complete nonchalance in what he does, it's not like they are talking about a murder investigation, but about the weather or the last gossip on the net.

"Oh, I'm so touched! You'd do that for me?" he asks him. there's no surprise, there's no touching in the statement. It's sarcasm, just sarcasm. Danny wonders if Patrick knows he no longer trusts him, not after so long, not after what happened to the only family he had… and not only the blood related one.

"You know your sister would want me to" _And because Katy would want me to. _he thinks, but he doesn't add it, because otherwise he'd start talking about Katy, and he'd end up telling the young man the girl he considered his real sister is alive and well and (kind of) back into his life. Like he doesn't say that he isn't so sure Angela wound want him to bail him out of troubles and jail. She usually didn't do that herself, not if there wasn't any kind of pro for her in doing that. "Why won't you answer my question? Is it because you hate me or because you did, in fact, kill the man?" he adds, after other long minutes of silence.

He is quite sure of what the answer will be. he knows Danny, he knows he isn't perfect and he knows he is always in some trouble and mistakes are kind of an everyday occurrence for him, especially after he lost his guide, but murder? He'd never murder, also because it's not good for the business. And if there's something he learnt from his brother in law and sister, it's how doing business in the con world. But he was desperate, so desperate and scared to beg him, of all, for help, the same man he hates for a passion because of all the mistakes done in the past.

"Why should I hate you, bro?" he asks, again with that fake nonchalance and normality it's so far from the topic they are (trying to) discussing. "I didn't kill Landon" he says, looking for the first time since they saw again each other into Patrick's blue eyes.

"Tell me the whole story, then, convince me it's the truth you're telling me!" Danny just looks at him with rage, somehow indignant and mad, and doesn't give up, he refuses to give up. He 'd do it for other people, but not for Jane, not for Patrick, the one who costed him family. " you know what? I want to help you, but I need your help, and you refuse to meet me hallway. You don't leave me any choice… I'm calling the police and telling them where we are. I would make yourself scarce since they'll be here in few minutes time."

He leaves the place not caring that he doesn't know where they are. they come from a road, after all, and if he is lucky enough, following it, sooner rather than later he'll meet someone or something and he'll get to call for "help". He'll call "Lisbon", and since she is herself and she always loved Danny with a passion, she'll never ask him to take him back, to bring him in. Besides, like he, she'd never believed he killed a man, not in cold blood.

Or maybe not, if the sound of the secure of the gun being discharged means something. "You think I won't do it?" Danny says, his voice trembling and shaken. Patrick doesn't answer, not so soon at least, he is under a sever shock… because he isn't so sure of little Danny any longer, not with a gun against his skull, ready to open fire.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist... I barely create using them, hoping that someone in the right place will see the light and give me a bit of Jisbon every now and then...

Thank you very much people! you can't imagine how happy Ia m every time I see an alert or a favorite for this story... and, by the way, this story-line is my take on the events of 3.2, where Danny Ruskin, Patrick's brother in law and former carnie as well, made his apparence...

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"I'm… Not so sure" Jane says, honestly, because he no longer knows what to believe in, hands up in surrounding, standing still on the spot, looking at the street in front of him. it's kind of weird, but it seems that the weather is rather appropriate for being killed, it's such a dark day, dark clouds filling the sky. "but I wouldn't blame you if you did."

"The only clean and honest things in my life… the only good things in my life… you always managed to take them away from me" he says with tears in his eyes. There's so much more in his statement, Patrick knows it. Danny is talking about Angela and (mostly) the niece Danny loved and spoiled with a passion since the day she was born, Charlotte, her uncle's pride and joy, but… but he knows that, deep down, he is talking about Katy as well. He knows that Danny considered her as much of a sister as Angela (if not more), and he knows the he thought, even if he never said it out loud, that he blamed the blonde mentalist from the sudden disappearance of the girl. "So, yes, I've been made with you…." _And maybe I still do._

Patrick is, for once, at loss of words. He doesn't know how to answer. He knows that he took away, figuratively speaking, Charlotte, and he knows that he had been the one to convince Angela to leave, but Katy? Last time he checked, he did have no part in it, even if, since they met again, he is no longer so sure of this.

"I just… Danny, I didn't…take her away. She… she wanted out, and I was… tired of that life, and Charlotte was on the way and so… we did it. we left that life behind us."

"Yeah, well, that nice escape plan of yours got them killed, and…" _and it's your fault the only person who really loved me went away. _"you had to be the big shot, had to get on the TV and run your mouth… it's your fault they are dead!"

"You think I don't know? I know it's my fault! You don't have to remind me of this!" He is trembling, shivers running down his spine, and he is honestly scared as he screams the words. He doesn't know if he has been that scared before in his whole life before. And then…. The secure is gone, yet another time, and Jane wonders if Danny was hiding another weapon, or maybe…."Drop the gun, Danny. God knows how much I'd hate to have to hurt you…"

A small smile graces for an instant his lips-and probably only because he knows she can't see him, his face, right now. Her voice is a blessing, and he is somehow glad she is so worried and scared and glad at the same time. Worried and scared she is for him, glad she is because he is well. He bet she doesn't act that way for the Bosco guy.

"Well, hello my dear. Excellent work finding us…" he says, without bothering to shift position, the gun still pointed at his head.

"Shout up Jane, I just had to ask Pete and Sam where he usually retreat to in the moment of need" she tells him, quite annoyed. Danny doesn't know how to react. He saw her once, in the distance, few days prior, before he went and ask for Patrick's help. He knows they work together, she should be his boss, but she seems too… familiar with the people they used to hang out with, too familiar with _him_. He doesn't think too much about dropping the gun, he just allows it to touch the soil, and hopes she'll do the same, she'll stop pointing the artifact of evil against his skull. Which she does, and as soon as they are both gun-free, Patrick turns, and looks at the both of them with his Cheshire grin.

He hates it, because he knows it means trouble, and from the face of the woman, the somehow familiar woman, he'd say the thinks the same.

"I'm very unhappy with you" she says, as he keeps grinning "with the both of you, so drop the grin Rick or I swear to God I'll erase it in a way you'll not like at all." she points out, mad, but still smiling with that sarcastic and annoyed smile of hers. As the words leave her mouth, Danny's eyes widens, as a memory hits him and hits him hard. It can't be possible, but, still…

_On the day of his 14th birthday, as a "present", Patrick found a way to bring him to see the can-can dancers… or, as someone would put it, he broke and entered and hid him inside their truck while they were changing- the most glorious moment for such an hormonal teenager such as he is._

_Patrick didn't come with him just waited for him outside. To cover his butt, he said, but Danny isn't stupid. He knows that he cherished too much his girlfriend to even think about looking at another girl getting naked. He trusts her with everything he has, and he wants her to feel the same. It's not strange that Patrick does. He knows that every boy in the carnie has the hots for Katy. Hell, he does as well!_

_He has just left, and he is thanking Patrick, still crazy about the divine visions he witnessed with his own two eyes, when they hear the sound of someone clearing their throat, and when they turn to see who's there to "talk" with them, they see Katy, hands on her hips, fuming. There's no deny she knows what just happened. _

_"I'm very unhappy with you, Danny, that's not the way to treat a woman, like she was only an object. Besides, you're still too young to even just think about sex." She tells him, and Patrick, at his side, is too happy for her own good, grinning and giggling. "I'm very unhappy with the both of you, so drop the grin or I swear to God, I'll erase it!" she points her finger at him, almost sticking it into one of his dark blue eyes._

_"Oh, really Kitty Kat? And what terrible punishment will you choose for me?" he asks her, mock tone, close, so close, too close, he is practically nuzzling her nose. His eyes are half-closed, while Katy's are wide open, and Rick knows, he can sees it even with demi-closed eyes, that her pupils are dilated and her breathing is erratic. He can even see the vein pulsing franticly on her neck, clear sign that her heartbeat is going crazy. And the blush? He can't even begin talking about that marvelous soft blush who's gifting her cheeks… that's the only triqueta of Eros, of lust, that's her body telling him, telling her, telling them she wants him as much as he wants her, that what they've put on hiatus in the last few months while waiting for being both ready is almost there, that's her telling him that soon she'll be his, not only soul but her whole body as well. "Because, if you are talking about ravishing me with kisses, I'll tell you, it will be the most wonderful punishment of them all" he murmurs, voice husky with desire and lust while he tenderly bits a bit her lobe. _

_She jumps, taking a step back, and murmurs a "I don't know what I'll do, but I can assure you that it will not be nice and you'll not like it" before leaving, covering her face with her long hair to avoid being seen so red for his wanton actions. _

"Now, now funny business or I'll shoot to kill. The both of you, and you know I'm serious."

"You're a very persuasive person, my dear" _and sexy and hot as hell when you get all bossy and dangerous. _"But I still think we should all take a seat and have a nice and quiet talk to clear things out."

She doesn't answer, just moves a bit away from the entrance, making room for the men to entering preceding her, so that she could have a good look at what they are doing (it wouldn't be the first time Jane closes her inside somewhere). Once inside, she stands by the door, just for precaution, still fuming, her hands on her hips, and Danny… his eyes widens, he opens his mouth and no words leaves it. he can't believe it, it's just… so… impossible. This girl can't be… she is just…so different, and yet…. She is still the same… and he wonders…

When his in shock eyes meet Jane's grinning ones and he sees with the corner of the eyes Lisbon shaking her head in disbelief, , he gets his answer. "Yep, Danny, allow me to introduce you Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon, my boss" he pauses, still grinning. "but, like you've already figured out, between the 3 of us, you can call her Katy…."

Danny moves to join her, to...touch her, hug her? he doesn't know, but she stops him before he could reach her, an arm lifted in the air between their bodies. "Forget it, Danny, you don't even get to say hi or to ask me anything until you don't tell me everything you know about what happened to Landon Wale !"

She fumes even more when she sees Jane grinning, but she has to admit it, it's kind of adorable, looking at Danny pouting like when he was a child. He always did it when she got mad for something. She guesses there are things set in stones.

She smiles of a little and quick triumphant smile, when she sees how annoyed by the whole thing Patrick sees. He probably thought he would need a session of hypnosis, or getting Danny drunk, to make him talk. Instead, all she had to do was asking…

Danny falls on the soil, on the cold and dusty pavement, and does as she has always done when she asked him to do something, he does as she says. She stands in front of him, who's kind of looking in the void, while Jane is at her side, looking between the other two chuckling. "Good old Landon was such a mark, so hot to get taken…" she resists the urge to knock out the two guys with her, because they deserve it. she told them many, many times they playing with fire was a bad habit…" he called me that night, told me he wanted to get into action, but when I went there… he was dead. I swear to God, Katy, I didn't kill him!" he tries to goes to her, unconsciously, but she again forces him to retreat. She isn't done with him yet.

"What was the action?" Patrick asks.

"London was supposed to bring me the gold statue" he tells them, coming back to the soil. "it wasn't… I wasn't interested in it, it was just, you know, to show me he had the collateral to invest in my edge found cup… and this mook was hooked deep, thought he was going to fly to Brazil with his hot leggy assistant and all the money… you know, a little place on the beach, a small fishing boat.."

"Oh, old school, I like it…." she turns to look at Jane, annoyed and even more fuming. Sometimes she wonders if he remembers who he is talking with. "Oh, c'mon, don't look at me that way! The man was begging to be conned!"

"So… what now?" Danny asks, clearly worried. He wasn't lying when he told he didn't want to come back to jail.

"Sheep deep…" she curses, running her fingers through her dark locks. "now we set in motion whatever plan Rick has in store, and we hope it works, that's all." she stops, and look at Danny. She knows his silent question. "Or, we find a way to send you away, to make you disappear. I'm not going to make you rot in a cell or being sentenced to death because of something you didn't do!"

That night the three of them are standing still in what used to be Landon's bedroom, once the widow, the real murderer, has been arrested and bran away by Cho. She finally allows herself to get closer to Danny, and embraces him, patting his back like when he was a child. It's difficult and it's weird, because she used to be taller than him, and it's been such a long time he is so much more taller than her nowadays…

"Fraud wants to talk with you, there are some fraud charges pending, but there's such a miscommunication between departments I'm not sure it's real or just a rumor… besides, it's hard to prove, especially when nothing changed hands."

"Yeah, you know, now that I think of it… I'm probably innocent here."

"whatever you say" she says, finally letting it go of him, her eyes filled by tears. "They are on their way, but we don't know it, AND I'm in no way forced to bring you in with me. actually, I think that, since you are the injured party here, I should just ask you to come in maybe tomorrow to leave a declaration?"

"I believe she is telling you to get lost" Danny turns to smile a last time at Patrick, then, embraces again, maybe for the last time, Katy, and quickly kisses her on the forehead before running away. Just two are now left in the room, looking in a weird way at each other. He comes closer and closer, but doesn't touch her, doesn't kiss her, even just like a friend. It's not that he cannot do it any longer. It's just because he is still full of that fake blood. "you just did a beautiful thing. Thank you."

A wave of nausea hits her as he gets so close to her they are almost touching. The smell of the fake blood is so strong, too strong, she actually has to cover her mouth to avoid throwing up. Even if it's with such a reluctance she does it because is heat is so inviting, always has been, she moves away, she leaves, putting her hands in her pockets once she stops at the door, and turns to look at Patrick, who's still there, cleaning with a napkin the almost dry blood from his face – the suit is already ruined for good, and it's a shame, because she liked it. " I didn't do it for you, Rick. I did for Danny. And for me. you should stop looking at me like I was some kind of angel."

He smiles sadly as she leaves, still a mixture of pale and green, still fighting the urge to thrown up (there's too much fake blood, so much fake blood…he should have never come that close to her; she ahs always been such a delicate creature, his little and precious Katy…) , because as much as she claims the opposite, she has always been his angel, always will… and suddenly, he finds himself using Danny's words.

Katy is the only clean and honest thing in his life, the only good thing in his life, she saves him and she keeps him grounded and sane, and he'll not allow Bosco to take her away from him. sooner or later he'll reach her, he'll make her see the light of reason.

He just doesn't know how or when yet.

Less than 24 hours later, he and Danny are standing, quite uncomfortably and in silence, in front of two tombs- Angela and Charlotte's. Danny seems to agree with his choice, a choice he doesn't even remember doing, says they are simply but classy.

A small part of their brains, somehow, at the same time, thinks that Angela would hate them, that's for sure, too simple, nothing on them but their names. It wasn't like she was. Because Angel was far from perfect, she was one of those rich brats, even if she didn't have so much money. Not until she "brainwashed" him, at least.

She was nothing like Katy. And she was nothing like Charlotte. Because, face it, how many times did both he and Danny think about what a cosmic joke, that Angela ended up with Katy's child?

Not that Charlotte was Katy's child, but… it was just plain weird, how much they looked like each other where it matters, in the heart. And the baby had never met his father's real love…

And he shouldn't think about this, not here, not now. Because as much as he loves her, as much as in love he is with her… he is in front of his daughter's tomb, and he isn't going to lack of respect in such an awful way. It's bad enough he thinks about Katy, bad enough he wants her body and soul, bad enough he allowed himself the comfort and the pleasure of a naked feminine body, _her_ naked feminine body, intimately buried around him, all while HE is still out there, alive.

"I just…I know what id di, Danny… and… I know it's my fault… I just hope that…. One day you'll forgive me, because, maybe…. If you'll forgive me…I'll…I'll eventually forgive myself, one day. " he says, looking at the soil, hands in his pockets, Danny doesn't answer right away, just gives him a sideway glance, like to tell him to go on.

He wonders if Patrick's words are really for him. there's a part of him that thinks the blonde craves mercy, like he was the only one who could do such a thing.

"Nor for my sake, for yours. Hating me is a waste of energy, and it's… pointless. You should…move on, drop it… find something else to focus your energy on… something… or someone… to love" Jane turns, looking at Danny, the younger man is now the one with the eyes on the soil, eyes that are crying, silently, fighting a battle already lost. Jane smiles of a little smile, of a small sad smile. "I don't need an answer, ok? I just…"

"I know, I know" he says, looking again front of himself, trying to come back to his usual cocky self, trying to be again a bit… of an he-man, as much as he can be. "So… you and Katy…" he starts, after another awkward silence. Jane sends him a glare, a questioning look, his eyebrows lifted. Is he really talking about Katy now, there?

"We met by chance, and yes, I know, I've always said I don't believe in coincidences, but it's true. One morning I got up to meet the head of the SCU, couple of hours later I'm introduced to Teresa Lisbon, aka Katy Asterson, and instead of giving me answers, or try to explain, do you know what she did? She escaped, that's what. And she keeps escaping, for what's worth it."

"So, you and Katy, the very definition of star-crossed lovers, are what, just co-workers, merely friends?" Patrick nods, and Danny goes on. "her decision, not yours"

"She says she can't trust me, that's why is think she is hiding the real reason she left…" he says, and Danny understands a part of the reason Katy no longer trusts this man. After all, he married and had a daughter with Angela soon after Katy moved away, so, who wouldn't blame her for thinking he was just using the ballerina for the sex? "besides, there's the little problem she is engaged. Not that it matters, the guy is a jerk, didn't even bother to mark her with a ring. He is just in for the sex and because he finds pleasurable the powers he holds over her with the sense of guilt. Sooner rather than later he'll find someone else. He is not the kind of man who's in for the long run, always after fresher meat…" he doesn't talk about Red John. Not because there isn't a Red John to talk about, but because he doesn't want, can't allow him to enter into… into this relationship he needs, and wants, to pursuit with Katy.

But Red John is still out there, and sooner or later he'll do something about it, him.

Danny leaves, without adding any further words. He is already at a certain distance, when he stops, and turns, looking at Patrick's back one last time. He speaks with a low voice, so low he doesn't know for sure if his brother in law actually heard him saying it. "Just… talk to her, tell her everything, tell her the truth. She deserves to know it… if she'll understand that Angela tricked you into marrying her, that you just did the right thing, maybe… maybe she'll start trusting you again."


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist... I barely create using them, hoping that someone in the right place will see the light and give me a bit of Jisbon every now and then...

A/N- fanfiction dot com is making messes again even with my new email account!. this time, it's with reviews (looks like I can't reply directly from them, ie I ahve to acess the site to do such. so, in case I've forgotten to do so, forgive me. on the bright side: I'm almost done tiping this thing, I think this week I should get it done (on paper, not on the site. Today I wrote 3 chapters...) so, wait soon for teh end (not so soon). just know this: this story will end!

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Something like a week after their last encounter with Danny, everything starts to make sense for Jane. that day, he sometimes curses his skills, he sometimes blesses them, because for as much as he knows, there's just as much he doesn't know at all.

He is sitting on his couch in the bullpen, like always, like often, stealing glances to her office every now and then, but only when she doesn't look, only when people doesn't look.

He knows he is probably just paranoid, but he is honestly scared. He doesn't want to enrage the wrong person, doesn't want to see her life being put in jeopardy because of him, of his actions. He didn't want to do it before, but now? Now there's another reason to avoid putting her in danger. He can't risk that precious life, can't risk losing his only reason to breath, his second chance at love, at life, at a life decent enough to be live in the first place.

And if he was a good person, he could say he doesn't want to rob the world of such a miracle, but he can't. he isn't such a good person, he is greedy. Only, it's not money or power what he craves, but her, only her, always her.

After he realized the enormity of it few days ago, he has decided to let it go of revenge. he has decided to allow her, allow to them, to handle this, handle Red John. He doesn't care about the how any longer. He doesn't care about nothing, just the outcome. And the outcome can be still just one: Red John gone. Jail or death, he doesn't care, he just want, he just _need _him gone.

She is still obvious to this simple yet astonishing fact. Like she is still oblivious to many, many things. Like the fact he does know now at least one of her secrets. And, if he has to be honest, he has known it longer than her. he has figured it out the day Danny "escaped", and still now he wonders if she already knew, or if she was so hell-bent on not knowing it, on _refusing_ it, that she was pushing the thought, the possibility in a faraway corner of her psyche, refusing to acknowledge this chance. Or maybe, she is just confused, and scared – not of the outcome, never scared of the outcome she is, because he knows she is sure she'll made it. he is pretty sure, right now, that what scares her so much is not knowing _which one _caused the problem. Not that it's really a problem, he knows it's not, nor for her, not for him.

He grins, knowing the team will think he is just plain happy because yet again he solved in record time such a difficult sudoku puzzle, when, instead, to make him so happy (and a bit devilish, because he already has a plan, he always has a plan) it's the knowledge that Samuel Bosco will probably be not so thrilled about this… development.

Soon, Bosco will call things off with Lisbon, sooner than he thought; soon, he'll be the friendly shoulder she'll rant on, she'll cry on (not because of him, but because "how could I be so stupid to fall for such an hideous man, such a monster". He knows she'll never regret the break up, she'll regret having started seeing him in the first place), and then he'll move at God-speed from friendly shoulder to friend with benefits to full-time lover to the one for her. (it's not right, he knows, it's kind of taking advantage of the situation, taking advantage of her, but he is desperate, so desperate, he can't stay away from her, not now, not any longer, he needs her, and sooner rather than later she'll have to admit she needs him as well).

Time isn't exactly on their side, not any longer, and he has to admit- there's still a lingering doubt, not only on her side. He has them as well, he isn't so sure of it himself, but, still… even if it'll come out that he hasn't been causing "the problem" in the first place, even in this eventuality, he'll take full responsibility.

Because he loves her, and soon, sooner than he originally thought, he'll tell her. he'll tell her he has given up on destroying the monster all by himself, that his dreams, because he does sleep now, are now populated by sinfully visions of a green-eyed, dark-haired beauty, or by romantic, so damn romantic illusions (for now) of a girl with lavender eyes, unique eyes, and hazelnut hair- her, how she used to look, how she should look.

He'll not tell her that he hopes that their son will have blond ringlets and her eyes, because he doesn't know for sure if it's his son in the first place. He doesn't care, though -this baby is already his where it matters, his hearth, and it's something, he knows, that Samuel Bosco will never feel for the living miracle growing inside its mother's womb.

A long time ago, he recognized as his own a child of another one because he was forced to, because there was a small possibility it was his, and got to love her despite it all…

_Alexander walks in front of his son, pacing, running his fingers through his hair. Patrick is sitting, he stands still, looking at the ground (they both can hear Angela, crying outside, begging her parents for mercy, for pardon, telling them how sorry she is, and they are telling her they'll find a solution. Both Alexander and Patrick know what solution will be, it's what they are talking about right now)._

_"What the hell were you thinking, son? I know I haven't been a role model, but using Miss Ruskin as a rebound for the Asterson girl? Dammit, Pat, at least you should have been safe! That much I though you!"_

_The son merely looks at the soil, glassy eyes, because of the pain remembering the girl he wanted to be with for his entire life, and the one he'll have to be with because of a stupid mistake. _

_He doesn't try to defend himself, he isn't sure he can. He doesn't remember a lot about that night, he was pretty wasted. _

_He had just wanted the pain to go away, for a while, a short while, he had just wanted to not feel the ache in his heart for few minutes, and the fact that he kept feeling Katy's voice in the back of his head, telling him not to, telling him it was wrong, so wrong on so many levels (because of her dad, it was always because of her dad. it's all his fault) it was what convinced him to let it go, to go with it, to go and get wasted. _

_So, yeah, he was drunk and wasted, but there are still a couple of things he remembers, or at least he thinks he does. _

_Angela was the one who went looking for him, she was the one who convinced him to have sex to forget about it for a short while. (he feels like she took advantage of him. he was drunk, after all, didn't know exactly what he was doing, didn't realize he was getting naked until she was naked on top of him, didn't even realize it was Angela and not Katy. He called for Katy, he saw Katy's face, it was he name he screamed at the top of his lugs, of that much he is sure). Besides, he is almost positive she told something in the line of them being safe, of her being on the pill and trust her because she had enough experience for the both of them. _

_But it's not what Angela says. She says he was the one talking her into sex, to help him to forget about that traitor. She says it was her first and only time while he told her to not worry because he had the experience for the both of them (Angela was his second girl, and with Katy, he has been just two times with her. but Angela is perfect and such an angel, they'll never doubt her words) and that he knew how to avoid such incidents…._

_He looks at his father, finally lifting his blue eyes, and says the only thing he could say, as wrong as it is, as much as he doesn't want to do it. there's no other chance, not here, not in their world, not with the boss' daughter involved. _

_"I'll do the honorable thing, sir. Just like you thought me to." They don't smile. There's nothing to smile about. Alex thinks Patrick's getting married to a girl he never liked to begin with because he has been that stupid to not be careful, that stupid to have sex while drunk, that stupid to get drunk to begin with. But Patrick… he doesn't smile because he knows he has been that stupid to have sex with Angela while drunk, he has been that stupid to get drunk to begin with, and because he is going to be a father to a child he never fathered in the first place, he is going to be a husband and a father because people is forcing him to. _

_It doesn't mean he'll not do his best in both fields, thought. He is in the game, and playing it's the only thing he can do. _

A long time ago, he recognized as his own a child of another one because he was forced to, because there was a small possibility it was his, and got to love her despite it all…

right now, he is willing to do the same, but for another reason.

Because this child's mother is the only one for him, always have been, and always will.

With a sideway look, she gets a glimpse of a grinning Jane- a grinning Rick who's grinning in direction of her office all proud and happy and self-conscious. She huffs, when said sideway glance tells her everything.

He knows. Damn the man and his skills and the damn way he knows her so damn well. Sometimes she really hates him.

Rick knows she is pregnant, and soon all the bureau will know it. hell, even Rigsby is starting to notice her lightly bigger breasts- she wonders if it's what gave her away with Rick in the first place, after all he has always been a breast kind of man. In the couple of times they've slept together, he has been cupping her breasts the whole night…

Or, maybe, he just knows, because that's who he is and what he does, what he has always done. He was, after all, the boy wonder, right?

She wonders if he knows everything, if everything is just a game for him, if she is just a means to an end- Red John's death, Red John's slaughter, Red John's cold blood murder. Does he knows that Alexander Jane helped her and her mother escaping? Does he knows what they did and why they did it in the first place?

But mostly… she wonders if he has the answers she is so desperately looking for right now. Does he knows if the baby is his or Bosco's? because she doesn't know.

Not yet, at least. She hasn't even been to a doctor yet, she just made tons and tons of test, hidden in the dark, hidden in places that aren't her home- she can't risk Sam finding a pregnancy test round, not now, not yet, not when she isn't sure whom the baby belongs to.

The only thing she knows is that she was late, way too late for her own good, her own comfort, so she took the stets. And every single one come out positive.

She knows she is pregnant. But she doesn't know how far she is. And she doesn't know what she should hope for – which is, she realizes, scared, while running her fingers through her hair, scary and messy.

She shouldn't feel this way. Not about him, not about them, not about this baby.

She is engaged and getting married to Sam, so he simply has to be the father, there's no other way, and even if she knows he has been quite clear he wasn't ready to be a father again, that he didn't want to be a father again (because his children suffered enough for the divorce, the divorce he got to be with her. he can't add injure to the injured getting his mistress, the other woman, the one who stole him from his wife, so right, so beloved, so perfect, the mother of his children, pregnant) she knows he'll get around.

After all, even if they've always been careful, double careful, both careful, everybody knows that you can be just safe at 99%.

Or was it 99.9%, she isn't sure. But…

But it simply has to be that 0.1%, because, otherwise, that baby will be Rick's, fruit of their union on that fateful night, when she gave herself to him with no remorse or regrets or shame. And she can't do this.

It's not about him, it's not about her. she simply can't do this to this creature, this living miracle growing inside of her. She can't, shouldn't hope it's Rick's baby growing inside of her just because this way she'll always have a part of him with her, not matter what. It's wrong on so many levels and utterly selfish.

And she has never been selfish, if not… if not when it comes to Rick. She has always been selfish about Rick. She has always wanted him (despite claiming the opposite, but he doesn't need to know this fact, he is already too full of himself as it is.) and, at the end, she took him, even if people kept telling her not to.

Last time she did it, couple of months ago, it was her own conscience telling her not to, but she didn't listen. She listened to her heart, and look where she is right now, on the verge of tears for a man who probably never liked her to begin with, a man who used her and keeps using her.

She is pretty sure she just hits a brand new level of pathetic right now.

There's no reason he should love her. there's no reason he should, or could, love the child generated from their unholy union, if the child is his, that's it. He loved, loves Angela. He loved and still loves Charlotte, the beloved daughter born out of love and whished from both her first engaged and then married parents.

She is already heartbroken. It's wrong whishing Rick is the father, because she knows that it would mean that her baby will be heartbroken in the process as well, because it was just sex, it didn't mean anything, because he has always used her and that night wasn't any different, and he didn't, doesn't want a baby, not with her, never with her.

She may trust him on the job, but as a person? Never, not again. Even if he didn't know they escaped and why they did it, she can't forgive him for having married Angela just few months afterward. Did she mean so less to him?

Of course she did, what a naïve little child she was! they were teenagers. He was a teenager boy. He probably just wanted to get into her pants while trying to get into Angela's heart.

_But maybe…. _She slaps herself, mentally. She can't think about it, she can't think this way. Rick has to be the bastard of the situation, she can't allow herself to fall for him (more) again. Otherwise... this baby will pay the price.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She better schedule an appointment with her doctor and hopes that he'll tell her it's Sam's baby she is carrying inside her. otherwise…

Otherwise, for the baby's sake, she'll have to lie to everyone, let them believe it's Sam's baby, that it is an early born. And hope it will look like her mother – not her, never her, because she'd have to explain while her hair, and her eyes, are of a different color, why she changed them.

She is pretty sure that Rick will never give a damn about her saying this particular lie. She'll just be the one suffering saying so. and not because of the lie in itself.

But because there will always be a part of her that will hope that she and Rick could be back to what they were right at the beginning, to what they used to be, what she used of dreaming about.

She used to dream about a baby boy with his hair and her eyes, and she still does. It's wrong, it's not safe, but she can't help it.

And it scares the hell out of her.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist... I barely create using them, hoping that someone in the right place will see the light and give me a bit of Jisbon every now and then...

* * *

A couple of weeks later, and still, she hasn't seen her doctor yet.

It's not because she is scared of finding out it's Rick's baby growing inside her, it's just because of the time. She never has time, she doesn't have time, there's so much to do, so many crimes to solve, and she should be more selfish, but she is a senior agent and she can't just afford it, never been able to (even when her name wasn't Teresa, she was already a mother Teresa at heart).

She promises herself to give the good man a call during lunch break, because people is already noticing things, people is already whispering.

Rick knows, but only because he is Rick, and that's what he does, what he has always done.

Rigsby notices her breasts, getting bigger and bigger. He thought, he thinks, she went to a surgeon to make her boyfriend/fiancé/ husband to be happy, but Van Pelt, every time he mentions it, she merely glares at him – the redhead saw her throwing up every morning for days, and Grace is good, too good to be a recruit, and she just put two and two together.

When the other woman smiles sadly at her, she can't help but wonder if she knows that Bosco may not be the father of her child, she wonders if Rick told her in his desperation of their night together. (She doubts it. because he should be desperate to begin with, and Rick can't be desperate about her. it's just not who he is. Right?)

She doesn't know about Cho, he is good, so good, so stoic, always with a poker face her best interrogator. (sometimes she thinks he knows everything there is to know about her, about her past, about her and Rick, about what her mother did, about what she and Patrick did few months before, about the baby. Maybe he knows, and doesn't talk, because that's not who he is. Cho doesn't talk. He questions. And he waits for answers, he waits for confessions).

Bosco - Sam, she corrects herself, she can't call her boyfriend by surname! – behaves as always, like usually. He cares just enough about her and her general wellbeing, especially in public, always in public, only in public (he is a jerk, she knows it now, she has stopped being a fool in love, a fool for love, but she has to take him now, take him as he is, accept the man fro who and what he is. He abandoned everything and everyone for her, she can't give him her back, she just can't, it's not right, for the both of them, but life isn't about being right, it's about accepting the hand that the fate gives you.) and he is oblivious to the baby's presence (it's oblivious to many things, too many of them. Is it possible he doesn't understand her hair are dyed, that she is using contacts?).

That's how caring her boyfriend is (can she still call him her boyfriend? She is 36, almost 37, and Sam's 43…). He keeps having sex with her and doesn't even register that she isn't having her period ( He was so cool about the pill, so hell-bent on her taking it, and she knows that Mandy, after their second child, started it as well. He should know she should have a 5 days period every 28 days. How can he miss it? does he care so little about her?). he doesn't notice the physical changes. He doesn't notice her throwing up. He doesn't notice how she started to hate his aftershave.

He only notices when she tells him no because she isn't feeling well (or so she claims. He never questions it, just get annoyed with her. he is always annoyed with her. She should tell him to screw himself, she knows she should, because she is worthy more, so much more, and eh so doesn't deserve her) which is happening a lot more, for many reasons (she has started to force herself into silence when they have sex, because on at least a couple of occasions she almost called him Rick).

She can't even say any longer she makes love with him, to him, because it would be a lie. She knows they haven't made love in such a long time, maybe they didn't even never made love, driven just by lust, driven by just need, driven by lies, but now it's too late to complain.

She knew what she was putting herself into the first time she allowed him into her bed, years and years prior. (and she knows she is quite pathetic, knowing she can count on the fingers on one hand the number of man she has ever made love with, and it's even more pathetic that the one is getting married with isn't one of them. It's even worst that fact that she is pretty sure she made love with Rick).

The phone on her desk rings, a new case coming out, out of town, something to take her mind away from everything that is going on with her, with Sam, with Rick.

She takes a mental note to call her doctor as soon as she is back to get to know, finally, the truth.

She doesn't know that fate has something else in store for her. as it always did.

It's a stand-off, and she has always hates stand-off.

Lions, the guy they were supposed to arrest for the murder of his ex-girlfriend/former partner, is holding a gun against the head of his lawyer. She hates lawyers, and this one is particularly… snaky (since he as soon as Lions lawyered up he accepted even if he knew his client did it and was even trying to make appear another guy guilty), but she swore to protect life and protect lie is what she'll do.

"Mr. Lions, put the gun down, and I promise you we'll come to an agreement…." She tries to say, while pointing her own gun at the man. There's no desperation in her voice, there's no fear. She is calm and resolute, as always.

Jane can't help but remembering her, how she used to be. she never changed, always calm, always in control.

And he can't help but being scared, staying still at her back, looking at her firm back. This is dangerous, she is in danger, the child he may have fathered with her is in danger. The family he needs and wants to have with her is in danger.

He knows it. she knows it. But she'll never do anything to change this fact- because she is, always been Mother Teresa, putting the others before herself.

A sneaky lawyer isn't any different.

"I've been in jail, agent Lisbon, I remember the jail, I'll never came back to jail…" his lawyer ends up on the soil, back to the sky, her mind gone. Lions' gun is suddenly pointing at the senior agent, and suddenly, before Jane could do anything about it, there's the commotion associated with gunfire.

And everything happens in an heartbeat, in the blink of an eye. Suddenly he is on Lisbon, pushing her on the soil, making her shield with his own body, forcing her on the soil to protect her, to save her, to save and protect their (her) baby.

He isn't used to such noises, he gets deaf for few minutes, and the, he only feels her, and not her voice, but her hands, pushing him away from her, asking him to let it go of her, to free her.

He turns, Lions is on the soil, open eyes, a bullet in the middle of the forehead.

It's probably Cho, and it probably wasn't a lucky shot. Blessed the man and his time in the army as a sniper. He probably saved them all, and maybe even more.

He'll get him a book, maybe a precious one, a rare one(Cho deserves it for saving Teresa Lisbon's life, for saving his second shot at love and life and family, because Patrick Jane is selfish that way. He doesn't care about the others, but just about her, always about her, because thinking about her, it means thinking about himself, because life without her just doesn't exist).

"Rick…" she whispers, so low he doubts the other heard her. there's fear in her voice, he can tell she is worried but he doesn't know why.

He is just grateful she isn't mad with him.

"Lisbon? are you all right? what's wrong?" he asks, turning to face her. she is pale, and scared. He doubts he ever saw her that way, not even back then (he doesn't call her Katy, though. He knows she didn't call him Rick on purpose, that she just let it slip).

"You are…. there's blood on your clothes…. You are… bleeding.." she manages to say, her voice lower and lower, more and more scared, with glassy eyes. He examines the texture of his jacket as she says so, the dark blue, chocolate stripped fabric of his three pieces, and he can't help but agreeing with her.

There's blood on his clothes.

He tries to brush it away, like to see where it comes from exactly, and he realizes soon enough that she was partly right. there's blood on his clothes.

But its' not his.

"Medic!" he screams at the top of his lugs as soon as he realizes that it's her the bullet went through. Her eyes go to her shoulder as soon as his do, she rolls her eyes in the back of her head, and collapses into his arms.

Everything happens in a blur. She will remember saying things, answering questions, but she'll always say it was like an alien was talking instead of her.

It's like she is out, she is in the sky, on cloud nine.

_What's' your name, Miss? _She hears voices. She doesn't know they are, can't even say if they are female or male.

"Teresa Lisbon" she whispers. (She's tempted to say Katy Asterson, and there's a small, damn, evil and stupid and childish part of her that would like to say Katy Jane. or maybe Teresa Jane. she'd like Teresa Jane, she likes the sound of it, and she curses herself for this).

_What happened? _

(she knows what happened). "Gunfire." It's just a word, because it's painful, too painful, and she can merely see, merely talk.

_We need to know if you think you may expecting a baby._

(No, I don't think I might be pregnant. I know I'm expecting a baby, it's a fact)

"Yes, yes she is" a frantic voice says, on the verge of panic, clearly scared. She thinks it's a male. She wonders who it may be. she is the only one knowing for a fact she is expecting a baby, and then there's Rick. Has he been the one talking? "I'm her boyfriend. I'm the father of the baby"

Yes, it was Rick. And, was that happiness she felt in his voice? (she hopes the team didn't hear him, or didn't think anything of it.) . Yes, she is quite sure there was happiness in his voice, mixed with desperation.

"I'm… I'm still in the first trimester…." She says, even if she doesn't know if it's true, and anyway, even if she isn't in the first trimester any longer, she knows it should be around that window of time.

_Are you clean? _

Rick says yes for her, before she could actually answer in the positive. While they carry her on the ambulance, while they drive her to the hospital, he holds her hand, never letting it go, whispering sweet nothing, whispering sweet words of love, crying the whole time.

He never sound so desperate, so scared before (maybe she was wrong. she thinks she was wrong, he can't be such a good actor) and then it hits her. No matter what, he is, will be,_ the_ father of this child.

She can't take the presence of Sam in her life any longer. She can't pretend they are happy and fine any longer. It's time to stop playing games and accept the truth.

No matter what, Rick's back in her life, and he is there to stay. She isn't yet sure of what he is planning for them in the long time, she just knows that soon she'll have to shut down Sam for good. Sooner rather than later.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist... I barely create using them, hoping that someone in the right place will see the light and give me a bit of Jisbon every now and then...

* * *

After the gunfight, it's common knowledge she is pregnant. People compliments her, people talks at her back, people compliments Sam, people makes fun of him (gossipers claim she is going to have Jane's baby, Sam suggested (tried to suggest, to talk her into) getting rid of the creature.

If they ask her, she is in her fourth month, but she knows it to be a lie- she just had the "big scan", the one you get at the 20th week, when they tell you what you are going to have.

_"It seems you are expecting a boy, Teresa, congratulations. Your fiancé will be happy. most men are too proud for their own good when they got as a firstborn a baby boy… this is a milestone, I'm sorry he missed it, but I can understand. I've been married with a policeman for over 25 years now, I know how the job can get" Miley St. Claire isn't her doctor, or, at least, it's not her OB-GIN, but, considered the facts, she thought it's be better if she asked for a friend's help. _

_Miley has been her mother's doctor since they went into hiding. And she knows. Everything there is to know. She is the only one who can help her, she is the only one she trusts enough to share this secret with. She knows she'll keep this secret as well as she kept the other one- her real identity. Miley is a good person, even if she doesn't exact play according to the law. She provides papers, and changes the medical records of abused women, so that they could still have healthcare and their papers while in hiding or using another name- there's something utterly ironic, about a woman who keeps breaking the law (although for good reasons), being married to a cop._

_She looks the other way, then turns back to look at the boy, a small, sad smile gracing her features. "Sam doesn't know I'm here. He can't."_

_"Honey, I hope you know it's too late to…"_

_She shakes her head no. she'd never do that. She'd never do that to anyone, but to Rick's son? She can't take another child away from the man. Rick deserves to know, Ricks deserves to hear her confirming it, and soon she'll do it. soon, but not now. _

_"The first time Sam and I had sex after over six months it was four months ago" the old lady looks sadly at her, but sweetly, she isn't judging, she can't, not knowing everything this woman had to go through, what her mother had to go through. "Patrick, my ex… my first boyfriend… we met again. Not exactly met, we… we ended up working together. And… I think we can all say without a doubt we know what happened, right?" she smiles, and laughs, but it's not sincere, it's not happy. _

_It's rather hysterical. (but she can't help but blushing, because as soon as she says the words, she remembers the nights this baby has been created, and she wonders, not for the first time, if this baby has been born out of love, like she hopes) _

_"You have to tell Sam. You can't lie about this. I know I can't tell him, and I won't, even if I could, I wouldn't, but you have to. not for you, but for this baby. you can't wait for him to find it out on his own… "_

_"Believe me if I tell you that this child would be better off with Sam as a father" she pauses, and looks at the picture, skimming over it. she already loves her baby boy with a passion. "But I can't do it, not to Rick. Couple of years ago, his daughter has been murdered. I can't take another child of his away from him."_

_"Even if he doesn't know this is his baby?"_

_"Believe me, he does. There is nothing Rick doesn't know…." She smiles, her heart full of love, for this baby and for the baby's father. She knows it's wrong to hope for her son to have blonde ringlets and lavender eyes, but she can't help it. besides, soon enough she'll be able to finally stop lying. She'll tell Sam and everyone will be happy. maybe, Sam will even stop hating her for getting pregnant against his will…_

"So, tell me, Teresa, what are we expecting?" as soon as she opens the front door, someone turns off the light in the dining room, and a voice speaks.

Its' Sam, and he shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be home. He wasn't supposed to know anything, wasn't supposed to see her smiling, thinking about this baby, hoping he'll be just like his father.

She is scared, because she hears the edge in his voice and edge she knows too well, an edge she heard already in her life.

_She doesn't know how he found out she and Rick are sleeping together (something he told her not to do, something he _ordered _not to do) , she just knows she is the on the pavement of their truck, soaking wet because she has tried to run away, to escape outside. _

_But her father is strong, so strong, even if he is gone, even if he is wasted, completely drunk, so he has been able to reach her, to garb her for her hair, her long, curly hair, and bring her back inside, throwing her in a corner, on the pavement, like she was dirty, like she was trash._

_That's probably what he thinks. _

_"You think I'll allow him to take you away from me? you are my daughter, you belong to me and me only! I'll show that son of a bitch who's better, who's the boss… and I'll show you as well… so, tell me… "Kitty Kat"… are you ready to learn your lesson?"_

_He unfastens his belt and suddenly the belt is not a belt any longer in his hands, but something more sinister, more dangerous. _

_He is on her, making in pieces her clothes, and here she is, standing naked, bare in front of the monster who dares calling himself her father. He hits her again and again, always where he knows nobody will see, leaving angry red and purple and blooding marks on her ivory skin._

_The only place where the mark will be visible will be her face, where she is red because of the slaps, of the so many slaps he gave her, but nobody will say a word, because that's how things go into their word. _

She is scared, scared by the memories filling her mind, scared by Sam, but she doesn't show it, can't allow to show it. if he'll feel her fear, he'll understand she is guilty, he'll understand she cheated on him, and she knows Sam. Sam has to be threaten carefully, because he can be dangerous, she knows how much, she saw it, and she can't risk enraging him, not with her baby, with Rick's son, in middle of it all.

"I'm just in my fourth month, Sam. It will take a while to see the sex" she tries to sound casual as she speaks with the smile and laughter in her voice. She has to sound that way, she has to hope it will work out. and she hopes he doesn't feel the tremble in her voice, that thing that tells her he'll understand.

She turns, and Sam is in front of her, she smiles, tries to seems happy, tries to make it look like it was a joke, like she can't get him, but he is red, he if furious. "Liar!" he screams, and suddenly he slaps her with all his force, his brute force, like an animal (Mandy tried to warn her, everyone tried to warn her, they told her Sam wasn't a good man, that he was, is, an animal, a brute) and she is on the soil.

"You little and insignificant slut… you think I'm stupid? Are you and lover boy laughing at my back, thinking I don't know he screws you, that it's his bastard child you are carrying? I know everything, Teresa…" he hisses, throwing at her feet something.

It's what remains of a book, an old book, a book of the middle of the '800, the first gift her first boyfriend brought her... and, between the pieces of the old, yellow pages, there's a picture, the image of a couple of teenagers, the only two items she took with herself when she escaped from the nightmare her life had become.

_"Romeo and Juliet? Seriously, Rick, of all the nice and funny things you could take, you took the greatest tragedy of them all?" _

_They are at their favorite spot, sitting under a three close to the fair site, they are laughing and smiling happy, embraced, Rick with his back against the plant, her curled into him._

_"It's the most famous love story of all times, _and _it's our first month anniversary. I thought it'd be a nice touch…" _

_"Rick, it isn't our first month anniversary, we've been dating for barely a couple of weeks…"_

_He looks at her, languid, and a bit lustful. She blushes, not because of the modestly of because she may be scared if this, but because she isn't used to this, being liked, being wanted by boys. She has never seen herself as beautiful, and from day one, Rick hasn't stopped telling her that beautiful is what she is, inside and out._

_Suddenly, his lips are on her neck, leaving a trail of kisses, from her collarbone to her ear. "Yes, I know, but exactly one month ago as today, I followed you up here, waited for you to be alone, and cornered you, put my arms at the side of your head so that you couldn't escape, and kissed you as you have never been kissed before, making you moan out of lust and need…" he keeps kissing her skin, teasing her, while his hands get adventurous, exploring her body through the clothes. _

_She grins more than him. and allows her mind to wonders. She is a teen, just because she is a girl it doesn't mean she doesn't have needs, cravings, and tight now it's him she is craving (actually, she has been craving him right from the start, but Rick's too full of himself, too full for his own good, and he so doesn't need to know that she was gone as soon as their eyes met). _

_She turns in his embrace, and kisses him as she has kissed her that time, teasing him with his tongue. Patrick is more than happy to allow her lips to attack his owns, to allow her tongue to invade his mouth._

_They never stops smiling in kiss, teasing and exploring each other without abandoning decency, because she is just 15, she is too young and he doesn't have any intention of forcing her into having sex with him. (he has waited for her until now, he can wait another year or so, even more. he'll never try anything until he'll not know they'll be both ready). When they part, she is radiant, so radiant eh can't resist taking a picture of them with an old polaroid. _

_She takes it away from his hands and puts it into the book as a bookmark. _

She is on the pavement, in a corner, her face red because of the slaps, and he is getting closer and closer, and she can't move, she is too scared, she is crying, silently crying, terrified. It's not happening, not again, not now, not while she is carrying a baby.

"So, that it is, Resa? You and that… prankster, you and that charlatan… tell me, when did it exactly happen? Have you been sleeping with the guy since you were kids? I bet you did. I bet you are such a little dirty slut… you can't let married men alone, right? is that a fetish, Teresa? Were you sleeping with him while he was married? I bet he was screwing you the night his family was butchered by Red John…." He pauses, laughing like a maniac. "or maybe, you used to screw with each other, and then, you two met after sooo long, and then, bang! You are back again in his bed! Is that so? are you two screwing just at my back, Teresa? Did he respected his wife enough to not screw you at the time? Or, are you just one of the woman he brings to his bed?"

He kneels in front of her. there's a bottle of beer in his left, and his breathing remembers her too much of her dad. he knows that grin, she remembers that grin.

_"I'm not done with you yet, young lady, now you'll learn to listen to me, you'll learn to respect me. I'm going to clean you from that boy's dirty on you… I'm going to teach you a lesson you'll never forget. You'll learn to respect me, you'll learn to listen to me, because otherwise, I'll do this again and again and again, until it will get in that thick skull of yours that you are mine and I'm the only one who gets a saying on what you do!" he stands in front of her, grinning like a maniac, grinning like a monster, freeing himself while forcing her to look at him. He isn't her father, not now, not any longer. A father shouldn't even think to do that to his daughter, not matter how drunk he is, no matter how enraged he is._

_She hasn't been scared of what her grandma called the "one-eyed serpent" when with Rick, because Rick loves her, Rick respects her, what's between her it's true and pure and clean. But this? she doubts that there's a word bad enough to describe what she understands he wants to do with and to her._

_No, she corrects herself while she kicks and screams and cries while he tries to force her to "open your damn legs like the little slut you are, like you did for that scum that you screw with"… and that word is rape._

_She hits him with teary eyes, with closed eyes, with her small hands, her small fits, while he tries to feels her, when he asks her if she is horny, if thinking about that scum who screwed her made her wet, tells her he doesn't care if she isn't ready, though, because he is there to teach a lesson and a lesson she'll learn._

_Then she hears a sound, terrible, and he stops, and she feels blood on her, and she wonders for a second if it's hers. She is sure he killed her. _

She isn't scared anymore, just mad, just furious, like a lioness fighting to protect her little one. he can't treat that way Rick, he can't treat that way her and her unborn son. They deserve better. She deserves better.

"I'm not done with you yet, Resa, now you'll learn to listen to me, you'll learn to respect me. I'm going to clean you from that bastard's dirty on you… I'm going to teach you a lesson you'll never forget. You'll learn to respect me, you'll learn to listen to me, because otherwise, I'll do this again and again and again, until it will get in that thick skull of yours that you are mine and I'm the only one who gets a saying on what you do!"

_"I'm not done with you yet, young lady, now you'll learn to listen to me, you'll learn to respect me. I'm going to clean you from that boy's dirty on you… I'm going to teach you a lesson you'll never forget…." _

It's what her father told her, the words he said while he was trying to… to teach her a lesson. The same lesson Sam seems to want to give her right about now. She isn't going to allow him to. (She should have listened when they told her to let it go of Sam, to not get involved with him, that he wasn't like he looked like).

"Go away, Sam, leave, let me live and I'll forget about it" she hisses, suddenly proud. She is pound and strong for herself, proud and strong for her son, proud and strong for her Rick, proud and strong for her mother.

But she is a good person, and she'll give Samuel her mercy. This time, this one time only.

"FORGET IT! I'M NOT GOING TO ALLOW YOU AND THAT CRIMINAL TO LAUGH AT MY BACK WHILE SCREWING!" He scream while jumping on her, while trying to hit her. "accidents happen , Resa, do you know it? do you know that you could lose this precious and marvelous baby of yours if you'd fall from the stairs?"

She doesn't cry, doesn't scream, doesn't kick, doesn't try to hit him with her small fits as he hits and menaces her. The only thing she does is crawling on the pavement, near a specific point, and taking her small revolver, her personal and private weapon, from the hidden place.

Next time he tries to hit her, to hurt her, to hurt her baby, she fires it.

And everything goes black, while her last coherent thought goes to Rick.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist... I barely create using them, hoping that someone in the right place will see the light and give me a bit of Jisbon every now and then...

a/n: guess what? today I finished tiping it! So, it's now official, consideirng the epilogue, this story will be 18 chapters long BUT I'm already working on something new, developed right from the season finale...

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Minelli calls him in the late afternoon, telling him something happened at Lisbon's place. He is reluctant about giving away any kind of particular. Jane doesn't need to prey too much to understand it's a police matter, that cops are somehow involved (what cop, he is quite sure to know it).

His silence scares the hell out of the old cop, making him talk. A silent Jane is never a good sign, Lisbon is the one delaying with him, but there are few things he knows as well about this man.

"She has been attacked, Jane, but… he never got to do her any damage, she has been good at defending herself, like the cop I trust her to be." The name is never said, but they both know who they are talking about, the same man who didn't make any mystery of the fact he was ashamed his girlfriend got pregnant, that he didn't care at all about this child, that she should have taken an abortion, just _"out of respect for my firstborns and my wife"_.

Jane doesn't talk. He can't. He is overwhelmed with memories of a dark room, his master bedroom, by the small of blood, the smiley and their bodies. Her body is well. He wonders if it can be said the same about her mind.

He hoped to have a son. He _wants_ to have a son. And he wants to have him with her. He can't lose the baby, he can't lose her, not now, not after so long, not when he is just few steps shy from getting her again and this time for good.

"She is in shock, though, and will have few bruises" He is suddenly enraged. He can't wait to get to him, to get to Bosco, to make him pay for what he did to her. He always knew he didn't love her, that he was just using her, for fun, but went to deep, but this? Hurting her out of a wounded pride? He can't forgive him, he will not forgive him. He has to pay, has to learn to let her stay, to let it go when she says no, when any woman says no. "He hasn't been that lucky. Lisbon put one between his eyes. She should be cleared soon, though, I don't think there will be any doubt about the fact that it was just self-defense. Her neighbors heard him screaming, and the ME says the alcohol level in his blood was pretty high. Besides, the place is trashed, and Lisbon is already being checked at the hospital, and soon we'll have physical evidence that he tried to abuse her."

Jane gets silent, but Minelli is pretty sure he can hear a sound in the background, something like a roar. He doesn't know what's going on between his consultant and Lisbon, doesn't want, doesn't need to. He knows there is something, that there has been something ( she _did _stormed out of his office, when they were introduced, the very first day of Jane on the job. It was clear they already knew each other. He doesn't care how and when and what, though, there's just the fact, people think he is stupid, but, really, there's a reason he is a Senior Agent in Charge of a whole department) and he has a feeling it's deep. Jane and Lisbon are close, that close, so close, very close… not as much as he is, because it's different for him (he is her boss, and he like to think of himself of some kind of a father figure), so he can only imagine what the blonde consultant is going through.

It's already horrible knowing that something did happen to her, but for him, for a man who already lost everything he cared for' it has to be hell on Earth. No wonders he can't even say a word.

"Jane, Bosco didn't get to sexually abuse her. he had hit her , though, and he had all the intentions of… " he stops, and Jane feels, hears it. Minelli's teeth are clenched, he is that close to hissing, he can't even manage to say the words at loud. Not when it comes to her, not when it comes to Lisbon. "that's when she defended herself."

"Where… do you think I could talk with her, see her? or even just…. If she doesn't want to see me… just… knowing she is all right it's just enough for me, so… I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'd like to…"

He cuts him off. He doesn't need to hear an apology, doesn't need to hear Jane saying how grateful he is for sharing this vital piece of information with him. there's no need to, Minelli knows the feelings, he understands it. "Jane, she wouldn't see any member of the team. You know Lisbon, she can't stand people seeing her when she is not at her best, when she is so frail. But…"

"but?" he asks, with hope in his heart, hearing the man taking a deep breath -he is almost adamant Minelli know something.

"Her aunt, Miss Guinevere Lisbon, her next of kin, told me they'd like to talk with you. She is waiting for you at the mother of mercy hospital." He is already taking his jacket, looking for his keys, while he process this new information.

An aunt. Katy had just one aunt, and she was still with the carnie, last time he checked. There's only one chance, yes, it has to be that way. He isn't going to see, to meet, her aunt. Minelli was talking about Veronica Asterson, and he didn't even know it. He was talking about her mother, her real mother, the one who took her away from him so many years ago.

He runs towards his car. He never cared about speed limits, he isn't going to care right now. He has to see her, has to see them, to see Katy, to see Veronica. He has to learn the truth behind their escape. And then, he'll go to her, to his Katy, he'll tell her everything, his part of the truth.

They're going to have their happily ever after they've always wanted, they've always deserved.

It's the second time in few days he is sitting outside an hospital room, her hospital room, waiting for news about her and their child (even if just few days before he didn't know the baby was really his, biologically, at least). Like that time, he is tapping his feet against the cold marble pavement.

He wonders who had the stupid idea to pout marble in an hospital. It's just plain hazardous, is asking for falls to take place (and not of trust kind). Besides, people in waiting rooms gets nervous, very, very, nervous, and they can't help but tapping their heels against the pavements, which is quite an annoying sound.

And he is the one doing it. He really has to be nervous to be annoyed by something he is doing. It never happened before. He isn't that surprised, though. He has always been known to do strange things, to act strangely when Katy was involved.

And right now there's just one door between him and the girl he has never forgot, never stopped thinking about. It's just a door between him and her, between him and her, his, their child. He can't stop looking at it, he can't stop staring impatiently at it, like it could open just thinking about it.

"You've always wanted everything and as soon as you saw it." a feminine voice awakens him from his reverie and from his brand new obsession. He turns, and here she is. Different, but the same nonetheless.

Veronica Asterson, Katy's mother. Guinevere Lisbon, the woman who, for the law, is her aunt. She hasn't changed a bit.

Her body, that, of course, is different. Last time he saw her, Veronica was just 32, and it has been 20 years ago. Many things can happen in 20 years, many things can change, and few remain the same. Like her eyes, the same shade of Lisbon's contacts, the greenest he has ever seen, or her charm, her elegance. He still remembers how nice she looked with her costume, the knee-length dresses as soft as a cloud, how elegant she always was, even in their world, and the fact still remains. She is extremely elegant and looking in her suite, black pants and vests, her red shirt, all suited for her age. She doesn't have too much make-up, her few white hair are well visible between the brown locks, and it doesn't seem she has been to a surgeon. She has always been fresh, always classy, never fake, never artificial, and that's another thing that hasn't changed in the years they haven't seen each other.

"Yeah, well, it looks like I'm not the only one who didn't change so much, after all" he smirks, just a little, giving her a sideway look. Her eyes are focused on the door, and the lines, the proud lines she isn't scared of showing, are indication enough of how much worried she is for her daughter: deep down she is still her little Katy, like a part of him will always consider Charlotte his little girl, no matter what.

They stay in silence for quite a long while, it's not forced, it's not uncomfortable. It's the kind of silence used to fill the void, the empty spaces, and the silence is better than the alternative- thinking she may be hurt, that the baby may be gone.

Until she starts to cry- not cry, not exactly, she is more like sobbing. And he does the only thing he think he could do, unaware that years prior his father did the same thing- he takes her in his arms, and embraces her. It's quite awkward, but he guesses it's the gesture and its meaning, not the way he holds her, to makes it matter.

It has to be… weird for her as well, because the woman now known as Guinevere forces herself out of his arms, and laughs, almost hysterical, a single note before starting to look at the door once again.

There are tears on her face, but there' no trace of them in her voice. "I was born here in California, you know? Palmdale, we used to call it "nothing to do California"…And then, when I was 15, one day, the fair come to town. That's where I met him" she pauses. Jane has cold-red enough people in his life to recognize the signs. She is ashamed, she feels guilty. He studies her, and is pretty sure she is reading his mind right now, understanding where she is going. "It's where I first met Frank. He tried to play the piano, it was a small number, and did few things every now and then. He was nothing of special, he wasn't even plain… and… people kept telling me I was a great performer, but I wasn't having my chance, and… believe me Patrick, I'm not being vain in telling you that my baby girl took her looks after me… it's just that….as a small town girl, as it sounds even though we were only sixty miles from Hollywood, I knew he was as close to show-business as I was ever going to get. So, I kept coming back, day after day and night after night, and on the fifth night, after a couple of drinks… nine months later, my Katy was born."

"Don't tell me that getting pregnant of her was stupid" he cuts her off, sad and desperate, knowing where she is going, scared of the places she could go to, of what she could say. He doesn't want to contemplate the idea of a world where she isn't there, can't. Life is enough horrible and sad as it is. "maybe the time wasn't right, and you were young, but… don't tell me you regret her, please"

She smiles at him, sadly but fondly, messing with his hair, like she did few times when he was more or less a kid looking for troubles. "One day, few weeks after I got birth, he called out of the blue, showed up at my doorstep. He took the news well, told me he wanted to get involved, Frank even offered to take her off my hands, but I told him no. I was too fond of her, she was my little girl and I loved her with a passion, and besides…"

"Parents" he simply states looking at his crossed hands in his lap. _I'll do the honorable and right thing, sir, just like you thought me to. _He knows the feeling. He remembers the feeling. He went through the same things, just like hers. She just nods. "What happened? Why did you escape? I know that Frank was hurting you, I saw the cuts and the bruises on Katy's arms, but he was gone…"

"Yes, he was Patrick." she cries, sill silently, until, in a matter of seconds, she takes her face into her palms. This time she is desperate, this time she doesn't hold back. He just stares at her, looking for an answer. Any answer.

"I know that's what I just…." He pauses, because now he gets it, now he is seeing the light for the first time in over 20 years. Katy and her mother didn't just want a way out, they needed it, they needed because of what they had done.

Veronica Asterson doesn't stop crying as she tells him everything. It's been 20 years, but there hasn't been a day she hasn't feel the ache in her chest, the fear and the pain and the regret and the guilt.

_ Katy hits Frank with teary eyes, with closed eyes, with her small hands, her small fits, while he tries to feels her, when he asks her if she is horny, if thinking about that scum who screwed her made her wet, tells her he doesn't care if she isn't ready, though, because he is there to teach a lesson and a lesson she'll learn._

_Then she hears a sound, terrible, and he stops, and she feels blood on her, and she wonders for a second if it's hers. She is sure he killed her._

_But, then, she opens her eyes, and at the door, here she is, her mother, standing with an iron for clothes in her hands, one of the old ones, of the heavy ones, of the nasty ones. She sees it, running on it, thick, cold blood, and something grey. She knows what it is but doesn't want to think about this fact._

_Avoiding the dead body with the open skull on the pavement, she runs to her mother, and embraces her, without stopping crying. _

_Veronica doesn't stop to stare at the figure on the soil, a man she used to love, now just a monster, a monster who was planning of hurting her little girl. She'll never forgive him, and, in her defense, she is grateful it came to this. he deserved it. _

_As wrong as it may be, she feels great, she doesn't think she has ever felt that good._

_One moment later, Alex is inside with her. Katy doesn't think he heard what her mum did. She thinks he heard her crying, and decided to do something about it (Rick's wrong, his father can be a good man). He is the one giving her a robe to cover herself up, because Veronica is still staring at the dead body, not with horror, by hate, and rage._

_She'd probably like to kill him again and again and again._

_"We have to bring him away from here, far from there. Nobody can know what you did! Nobody will have to know what your mother did, Katy, you hear me? you can't tell anyone, not even Patrick!" Alex begs her, scared. He is hugging her, he is shaking her for the shoulders, and she can't stop crying. "Katy, I know what he did to you and your mother. he deserved it, and I know she did it to defend you two, but we have to make sure your family doesn't find it out, all right?" she nods, and wonders if he really knows it, if he really knows her father was going to rape her because she has slept with son of the who's saving them._

_Next morning, there's no trace of Frank Asterson left. His pick-up has ended in the deepness of a canyon, never to see the light again, and the man and the two women are driving back to the place they call home. _

_They'll just think he got wasted yet again, somewhere, or got himself in troubles bigger than him. they'll wait for him for a while, they'll not look for him, because that's who and what and how he is, or better yet…was._

"Couple of weeks later, we went into hiding, new names, new papers, new lives. Thanks to your dad."

"he never told me." he shakes his head, almost in disbelief. He doesn't understand why Alex did it.

"He didn't want for us to be traceable, in case the body would resurface. Which didn't happen. Don't blame this on him, Patrick he just was trying to do what was best for us all." she pauses, and answers his question, the one he didn't do. "we tried to talk him into joining us, but he said that rule number one of the con is never staying too long in the same place, and number two, avoiding forming groups too big…."

She kisses him on the hair like a mother would, like she sometimes did in the past, with that huge smile, that bright and sunny smile, and then enters in her daughter's room. She is giving him space, space and time to think things over. And he needs it.

He has always thought his father was a bastard. He isn't that sure any longer.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist... I barely create using them, hoping that someone in the right place will see the light and give me a bit of Jisbon every now and then...

a/n: as I'm uploading it, I'm receiving teh e-mail concerning my new multichapter work on the Mentalist, way of the world, another AU (even if just slightly, and you'll immedaitely see why it's an au) developing from the events of 3.23 and 24, that I reeeally hope to end before the new season wil start this fall. I know, it will be hard, 4 months without Patrick Jane, but I've been lucky, and the Italian channel that airs The Mentalist is going to aire it again, right from 1.1, one episode a day for five day a week, at dinner time (the promo: Jane looking with his fascinating grin at the screen, and then, the writing...patrick Jane has decided to join you at dinner... yep, that, I'd like.), so, plenty of Jane in the next months...menawhile..new chapter as we get closer and closer to teh end, aka Chapter 18!

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She is yet again sitting into an hospital's room, waiting for the doctor, her doctor, to tell her something, tell her Landon is good and well and sane (She doesn't know why she has decided to call her baby son Landon. She guess that Landon Jane has quite the ring.).

Miley is still looking at her, still checking her out. she hasn't said a single word, she just looks in the void, looks in front of herself. She still thinks of the last person she saw in her mind, the only person she'd like to have with her right now, the baby's father – Rick.

She knows it's wrong on so many level and she is pretty sure that it's unethical, but with Sam out of the picture, she can finally focus on living her life the way she should, the way she'd like to. There's no more need to hide, to tell lies. Not about Little Landon, at least.

Her mother holds her hand like for dear life, smiling sadly, while concentrating on the doctor, putting the cold gel on Katy's abdomen. The former ballerina doesn't dare to look at the screen, fearing the minute the image will appear on the monitor. She doesn't want to think about the possibility of not having _him _any longer.

She isn't sure having her mother at her side is such a good idea, not considering how her father died, and what he was trying to do when he got killed. She knows that, as much as she loves Duncan, her current husband, and as much as she cherished the 3 boys born from that union- James, Tommy and Anthony – the woman has never really been happy, clouded by the events of that fearful night. AND she still worries too much about her "little girl", too much considering that her little girl is 36 and counting ( she can't help but wonders if she'll do the same with her little boy, if he'll always be her little boy. She thinks he will, both for her and his daddy).

She has almost asked the doctor to call Jane to come in, to stay with her, but then, she got scared. She doesn't want for the man to look at the screen and then see an empty space, nothing, or not hearing an heartbeat. She is scared enough as it is, worried enough as it is, she can't handle the thought of him losing another child, but witnessing Landon's end?

He'll not come until she'll be sure that the baby is more than fine- and he needs to be fine, because she can't stand the thought of not being able to do this- raising a child, with him, _their child._

She should have said yes the first time around, she should have told Sam to screw himself as soon as she saw Rick again, and she should have never let it go of Rick out of her house that morning.

They could have been able to create a home there, now, she isn't sure. Not about the whole "let's create a home together"; because she knows that she wants and needs it, she has tasted him, tasted the good man he has become, and can't think of getting rid of him. It's the place she is having problems with, because of Sam and because of what Sam did to her there, and, yes, partly because of what she did to Sam in her living room (Rick will be glad that she always has so many guns around. At least now he'll stop making fun of her for this, teasing her for this).

She can't believe she thought of letting Sam raising this kid, can't believe she brought everything he sold her. At least, her ex, billionaire extraordinaire/ I told you I wasn't the killer Walter Mashburn had always been clear about the fact he was with her because of the sex (and because she tends to have a dominant role in the sex and that's something old Walt always loved. She wonders how is possible that, however, every time she is with Rick, it's always sweet and gentle and she is always the one down). Sam, instead, played her, because that's what people expected of him (she wonders why he couldn't simply call things off as soon as she got the job at the CBI. He should have come back to his wife, and let her live).

She takes the cross in her free hand, holding it like dear life while silently crying. For the first time years, she prays to whoever is listening that this baby could be fine and well. He has to.

Because, as much as she has fought it, as much as she has tried to fight this feeling to deny it, she is love with his father, and if their baby isn't fine and well, she is not sure he'll ever look at her again, he'll ever talk to her again.

A small smile graces her features, and she is still crying, but suddenly her tears are of happiness and not fear or hate or any other negative emotion. It's strange how admitting this simple fact just made her feel better. Suddenly, the sun is shining on her, and she forgets all the bad things, she stops considering them. There's not her father in this picture, there's not Angela or Red John or Sam. There's just she and Rick and their son, everything that matters.

She isn't sure if she loved him all along. Her 16 years old self loved Rick as much as a girl of her age could love a boy- a pure kind of love, a "I'll go to the end of the planet and back for you" kind of love, the one you read about in novels (or, at least, that's what she thought it was), but, at the same time, it was extremely naïve and childish. They took each other for granted, like they took for granted their feelings.

She has been with many man in her life, in 20 years' time she hasn't been a saint or a prude (she couldn't, not coming from her world. Nobody is a prude over there), and she has loved a few of them. And that's the problem- she loved them, cared for them, but she wasn't in love with them, not as an adult should be. she just took what they were willing to give, offering what she was willing to offer.

Right now, what she'd like to have with Rick is way different. She wants for him to have her, all of her, the musician, the dancer, the girl in love with Shakespeare's tragedies, the cop, the sister, the daughter, the woman, the cop, _the mother, the wife, _and she doesn't care what he'll gave her in return. Having Rick will be enough. She saw him in his darkest hour, and she still loves him, she is still ready to take him as he is, because she sees the bad, but she knows the good that he tries to hide inside himself as well.

She loves him, is in love with him. BUT it's not about Rick any longer. It's Patrick, Patrick Jane, the consultant, the man who spends his time helping the police, solving crimes, delivering justice, giving closure to the family of victims, the one she has fallen for, it's all about the man he has become now that he is completely free from the influence of the world they come from. Patrick Jane is a man who values life, she knows it, she believes it, because now he has experienced loss. He'll love their son as much as he loved Charlotte, if not more, for this very reason.

She hopes he'll love her as well. She is not sure he is in love with her, but she feels his heart is still beating for her. Maybe it's not love-love yet, but she can hope.

She feels at easy, at peace with herself for the first time in years, ready to start anew, to be the one she has always been supposed to be.

The grip of her mother on her hands gets stronger and stronger, and she turns to look at her, scared of what she could see, but both Miley and "Guinevere" are smiling, and their tears are tears of happiness.

She smiles and cries as well, and her mother hugs her and cries with her and gives her a kiss on the hair before letting it go of her.

She leaves the room, an comes back outside. Rick is still there, waiting for news, any kind of news, focused on his feet. She shakes gently his shoulder, and once he looks at her, once their eyes meet, he understands.

He literally jumps out of the chair, ready to join her, and meet for the very first time, although by picture, his baby, their baby.

He is going to be a dad again. And it's the best feeling in the world.

He lightly knocks at the door, waiting to enter inside- and this is signal enough of the state of distress he is finding himself in, he never bothered before, and when he hears a female voice telling that yes, he can come in, he does such, although tentatively, with a bit of hesitation.

He isn't sure if it was Guinevere's idea or Katy's. maybe she doesn't want him inside. Maybe she doesn't want him to be there- she hates looking fragile, looking hurt, looking human, and those are all things she is right now.

But then, as she approaches the chair close to the bed, he sees it. her smile, happy and radiant, wiped by tears of happiness, and he understands. He forgets about the chair and goes to sit on the bed, at her side, taking her hand in his one like her mother had done before.

Miley grunts when, with his free hand, he starts caressing her stomach, looking sometimes at that naked part of her body, sometimes at her, sometimes at the screen. The grey silhouette moves, contrasting with the black landscape around it.

He grins, and, as much as he hates repeating himself, he can't help but saying again and again and again the same sentence: the idea of being a dad again is the best feeling in the world. Besides, he is pretty sure je is seeing what he is seeing right now.

"Oh, look, look, look…. Is that what I think it is?" he asks the doctor, who's still trying to force his hand away from Lisbon's abdomen. But the sight he just got, seems just to make him more insistent in his touches.

"Actually, that' s a foot" she smiles as she sees the disappointment in his eyes, not deep, but it was there- besides, she has heard this man hates to be wrong, and he just thinks he made a mistake. Her patient laughs under her teeth, clearly amused by the whole situation, and nods. It's ok to give him the news.

Miley removes his hand from Lisbon's body, and goes on with the ultrasound, checking carefully every area of her abdomen, until she smiles and stops. She points at something at the screen, her eyes focused on Jane. "…although, what you are looking at is your son's penis."

The hand who massaged her goes to the screen, skimming over the image, and there are tears of happiness in his eyes.

Miley presses two times the "print" key on the computer- she has a feeling this man will want his copy of the ultrasound to show around. He seems the kind of man who's extremely proud of his children – according to Teresa, Sam wanted for her to get an abortion because he couldn't stand the thought of having another child, not from someone who wasn't his ex-wife.

He turns and embraces the pregnant woman, who gets lost in him, in his arms. She is breathing him in at closed eyes as he kisses her hair and her forehead and every part of her face but not her lips (he isn't stupid, he knows it's too soon, but he is patient. He waited for having her until now, he'll wait a bit more).

Yes, she should have choose Jane over Sam sooner.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist... I barely create using them, hoping that someone in the right place will see the light and give me a bit of Jisbon every now and then...

* * *

First thing next morning, she is out of the hospital, checked and all right, with nothing to worry about – turns out she passed out for the shock, and not for any kind of injuries. She just had to see an ophthalmologist, because a contact broke in the fight and there was a chance the eye got some kind of damage. But she'd been lucky (actually, she thinks it was just Sam being too drunk for being able to do any kind of real damage). Doctor told her to not use contacts for a while, though.

Her answer was that she was planning of getting rid of them permanently. She used them just for the color, and she knows that Rick has always been mesmerized by her eyes, he has always told her that, when she looked at him in the eyes, with hose big lavender eyes of hers, he'd go crazy and do anything she liked.

_"Could you stop looking at me with those big lavender eyes of yours, Miss Asterson?" he husky whispers, never breaking eye contact. She giggles, biting maliciously her lips, as Rick, on top of her, starts assaulting her lips like a starving man. _

_She doesn't know how Rick found this spot, but she is glad he did, although a part of her is… scared isn't the right word. It's just that, it's isolated, so isolated that no one can hear them, and the grass is high, so high, that no one can see them. _

_She has a pretty good idea of where he is planning on going, and, actually, she isn't so against it. They've been together for a good year or so, and she is getting bored of being just kissed by Rick – not that they just kiss, and not that he isn't amazing with his hands, but she is getting kind of bored, and can't wait to see if what everything talks about is as good as they say. Besides, she craves him, craves all of him, and when she kind of told him so, one time they almost did it but he backed-up, she explained him to not being so full and proud, because it was all fault of her racing hormones. _

_That time, he told her it was too soon, she wasn't ready yet. She hopes that right now he'll not tell the same thing…._

_She parts, and positions herself on her forearms, in an half-sitting position. He studies her with a questioning gaze. She stares at him in the eyes with a predatory look, a "I want you to take me here an now" kind of look. _

_She knows Rick. He'll never says no, not when she looks at him in the eyes so resolute. He can't resist her eyes, he is a goner for them. _

_"Ehm…no…" he says, he states, resolute but not so much, sure but not so much, when he understands where she is landing, and there's no way he'll land there with her right now. it's too soon, she is still too young, she isn't ready yet. He'll not land there with her. no way. _

_Besides, he doesn't feel ready yet as well, but it's not like he'll tell her. he has a reputation, and his reputation, prior to young miss Asterson, is the one of a tombeur de femmes. There's no reason for the whole world to know that he barely kissed a couple of girls before getting with his actual girlfriend (he understood she'd be his first as soon as he saw her). Besides, he knows that Katy is nervous about this, nervous about their first time together, nervous because she is scared of not being good or brave enough. If thinking that he is experienced it's what she needs to be calmer, so that it is. _

_Or at least, he thinks they are not ready yet. Katy can be pretty persuasive, when she looks at him with those eyes. Like, right now. _

_"Are you sure?" she whispers a breath away from his mouth, skimming over his lips with a single finger. Maybe he'll think things over. Maybe he should change idea. Because Katy seems to know what she is getting herself into, and she isn't stopping staring at him with those mesmerizing big lavender eyes of hers. _

_And besides, he has always dreamt of being her first in every department, and until now they've reached just a couple of stages. He has been her first kiss. And he has been the first one to touch her _that way.

_She keeps skimming over his lips, until he can't take it any longer and take said finger in his mouth, sucking it voluptuously. He sighs, she moans, she stares he stares back, he grins evilly, she smiles happy and proud and victories. _

_"Or maybe not…" he whispers as she doesn't stop to stare at him with eyes full of lust and need and desire and love._

_He kisses his way along her body, over her clothes and over the exposed skin, and then, as soon as he reaches her thighs, he lifts the hem of her summer dress, lifting it so that she is exposed to him from the abdomen and down._

_She stares at him, victorious, lustful, lascivious, and, yes, even proud- after all, she did seduce Patrick Jane into having sex with her. _

_"Don't celebrate too soon, Kitty Kat, you haven't won yet" he says as he gets rid of her simple white cotton panties. She is confused. If he doesn't want to have sex with her, why getting rid of her underwear? _

_"What….Oh….."She hasn't ended to think that yet that she gasps, as soon as he attacks her womanhood. With his lips and his mouth and his tongue. And she can't believe she is really saying so, but his tongue is even better than his fingers…_

_She purrs and moans and chants his name and yes and oh as he goes down on her with his oh so clever mouth and tongue, and she feels him grinning against her inner muscles, her sensitive nerves, her tight and wet walls._

_"Can't really say no to those big eyes of yours…" he pants between thrusts of his tongue as she shudders under him, victim of the first orgasm of this kind. It's not the "real deal" yet, but she can't say he lacked in serving her. _

_He never does. _

"Thinking about something indecent, my dear?" he jokes as he drives her out of the hospital in his baby blue Citroen. She smiles and blushes even further than that at his statement, because, as always, he knows without even bothering to look at her.

That's just how Rick is. And she'd never change him, for anything. She may claims as much as she likes that she hates him when he does such a thing, but it'd quite the opposite. She loves that he is the only one that knows her so well, better than anyone.

He doesn't need to know it, though, he is too full of himself as it is. So, she does what she has always done when it comes to him and his abilities- she changes topic.

"my place is a crime scene, there's no way I'm allowed there." There's no way she'll ever come back there, she thinks, but she doesn't add it. There's no need to. that's Rick, after all. He knows and understands her, and that's one of the reasons she loves him so much. "Where are we going?"

"I have a place, you know?" he simply states, like it was obvious, which, really, it isn't. She stares at him, her hands on her belly, where their boy is slowly growing. She so hopes he isn't talking about the place he shared with Angela, and not because of _her, _but because of the other man into their relationship (and no, she isn't talking about Bosco). She saw, matter of fact, pictures, she knows of the blood and death and everything else. She isn't sure she can live there, isn't sure she is going to allow Rick to stay there any longer. He deserves better, he deserves more. "No, I'm not talking about my Malibu house, also because it'd be a 7 hours trips every day, I'm talking about a small place I'm renting here in Sacramento, with the possibility of buying, though, and no, I'm not planning of sharing a bed with you"

He again talks like everything it's obvious, but it's not. Of course she knew he wasn't living full time _there,_ but it comes as a surprise, as a shock, finding out it's not at the CBI or at a sordid motel he is staying, but in actual place, and not only that, he is considering buying it. Knowing it changes everything, it means he is serious, more than she thought, that he is looking for stability, that he is there to stay. She has, indeed, been right, even if she hasn't been that sure when she told the fateful words- Patrick Jane is a man who'll always choose life, and that's what he is doing, starting to live again, at his own pace.

She stares again at him, though, a bit sad and disappointed, as soon as she registers everything he has just said. There was a part of her that wanted, still wants, to be seduced by him. she'd like to skip all the steps and coming back to being lovers and a couple who's waiting for their first baby to arrive. "Katy, that's a step I can't take for you. I want you to tell me when you'll be ready" he pauses, without looking at her, though, focused on the road ahead. " besides you don't know the full story yet. I want you to hear me out before…"

"I don't care! I don't want the Rick I used to know, I like the one who made me fall in the last few months! It's the man you've become that I've fallen head over heels for! You don't have to explain me anything, what's in the past stays in the past!"

"Forget it Katy, this time those big lavender eyes of yours will not make me fall for your tricks, ok? You're so not going to seduce me this time around!" she grins. He wants to talk? They'll talk. But she'll made a good point of staring at him with those big mesmerizing lavender eyes of hers,.

She is curious to see how long he'll be able to resist her.

To her surprise, it's not an apartment, but an actual house- and she doesn't know why, she has just seen the outside and it already feels like home.

He tells her that her clothes and few of her things are in the guest room, and he specifies that it has been van Pelt to take them – she knows it was supposed to make her feel better, knowing he hasn't gone through her underwear, but it doesn't. she feels worst knowing her agent did it than the man she has shared a bed with multiple times.

He grins as she thinks so, and chuckles. She looks at him quizzically. He guides her upstairs, in said guestroom, telling her something in the line of "Katy, Katy, Katy, what a sordid mind you have… is it really so hard for you not thinking indecent thoughts of me for more than five minutes?"

She blushes, and he makes his best impression on her, playing the role of the tombeur de femmes. "Well, at least I'm not the only one…"

She blushes furthermore, and she'd like to slap him or hit him or even kill him, but she stops and stares as she finds herself in front a demi-open door. She turns, and falls in his arms, crying, kissing him sweetly and quickly, her lips an expression of love and not of mere lust, as soon as she oversees what's behind the door, something that takes her breath away.

She understands what he meant when he told her there's a chance he'd buy the place.

She wonders if he has already bought it. because he has turned a house into an home, because it feels already like home.

She can't wait for their son to join them. Because only when he'll be there with them they'll always have been supposed to be, a family, for real.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist... I barely create using them, hoping that someone in the right place will see the light and give me a bit of Jisbon every now and then...

a/n- one chapter left after this one!

* * *

He goes downstairs as she keeps examining the room, the grin never leaving his face. He is such a lucky bastard, he can't believe how lucky he is right now. He is getting everything he ever dreamt of.

He prepares himself tea the way he loves it, and as he waits for the beverage to be ready, he is almost sure he can see her, skimming over the white wood of the already ready room, lost in her thoughts, lost in her little world, blushing of a dark pink as, sitting on the rocking chair, she is silently breathing in the scent of the old blanket, handmade, tartan wood, one of the last few things he still has from his carnie days, from his youth, from his childhood.

She is probably remembering the first time she saw that huge blanket…

_Just few hours, and the carnie will leave Arlington, the small but yet not so small town where they've been staying for over a week to celebrate the strawberries festival, the most amazing event the town ever sees during the year- so amazing, so important, that the last day they have big, huge fireworks._

_After having ended both shows, they are sitting, together, alone, on the wheel, a huge handmade blanket covering their legs – it's may, but the air is still chilly at night. It's almost midnight when the wheel stops, with them on top. Time for the show. _

_Katy looks at Rick, a bit shy and unsure, then turns to look outside, biting her lips. It's weird being there with him. this isn't something she is used to. She has never dated a guy before, and this is technically her first date with Rick. Which is weird, considering how just the previous day he has kissed her, like she already belonged to him, like he was marking her as his own. Ending everything with a mere "tomorrow night, quarter to midnight, see you at the wheel!" before running away grinning like an idiot, without even letting her any chance of reply. _

_No that she'd say not to him, to this. Rick's her best friend, but he ash always been so much more, but… she'd never thought he was feeling the same, that he'd do the first move. Which is good, because she'd never been able to do such a thing._

_"So, what are you talking about?" he asks her, and she blushes. Better not to tell him she is thinking about all the illicit things they could do together right now, so, in order to avoid a confrontation, she just turns to look outside, getting redder and redder. _

_Moon and stars and the lights are enlightening her delicate features as she fists the soft fabric of her ballet dress, and once the fireworks start, the magic is even bigger. Rick looks at her, fascinated by Katy as never before. With a single finger under her chin, he turns her so she could face and, and slowly, to give her time to react, to say no, he gets closer and closer, not really closing his eyes yet, and then, he does it. his lips touch softly hers, a mere skim, a caress. He pulls back a little, but soon he finds himself getting closer and closer, pulled closer and closer as Katy stops to fist the fabric for doing the same with his blonde curls._

_He'll never get tired of kissing her, and right here right now he knows that every time will be like the first time. _

Charlotte used to love it. but not Angela, never Angela. Angela wanted brand new, she wanted stylish, she wanted things that couldn't remember her of how life used to be. he could somehow understand her, but that blanket wasn't a mere reminder of their life, of their past, it was a reminder of his mother, of his grandparents. She didn't see that way, though, she just saw a blanket. She wasn't that much into being affected, emotionally, that it is, by objects, not in a good way.

He remembers covering his baby girl, because that is what Charlotte was, his baby girl, with the blanket, rocking her in a chair similar to the one where Katy surely is sitting on, and telling her about his childhood, about his stunts and schemes, explaining to a not talking yet infant the basis of hypnotism.

He'd like to that again, soon, he hopes she'll allow him to, talking their son about the past, talking about what they do, and how they do it. he hopes he'll allow him, every now and then, to tell him about his latest schemes, about how daddy helps mummy catching the bad guys and so on.

He wants and needs to build up a legacy, and it's with her he wants and needs to do so.

She hasn't been in her room yet, heck, she doesn't care at all about her room right now. she just cares about this, here and now. this room, this beautiful room he made for their child, a room he organized and made completely (or at least, almost completely) by himself, for a child he wasn't even sure was his in the first place. yet again they has shared another though- her secret hope he was the father of this baby. But apparently, Patrick had decided as soon as he saw she was expecting that he was to be a dad to this child, no matter what...because of _her._

_Bosco and Minelli just left her office, and now she is there, alone, putting back in order all the Jane related paperwork. _

_She turns to go back at her desk, and she jumps out of surprise. Here he is, standing at her doorstep, leaning against the doorframe in his so causal and fashionable way. _

_Sometimes she hates him. "Jane" she hisses, and he grins. There's something in his eyes, in his grin, something malicious that makes her blush. After all, it's been just a couple of days since their (unforgettable) night of passion at her place._

_"I'm not surprised, you know?" he tells her, looking at her and outside her office, where stood Bosco until few minutes before. She sends him a curious glance, asking what he is talking about. She hopes it doesn't concern sex. "that he loves you. How could someone not love you?" She looks at him in silence, in disbelief. She isn't sure, but she'd swore he saw such a tenderness in his eyes as he said the words, almost as…as love. _

She sits on a rocking chair, and studies her surroundings, smiling while smelling the old blanket Rick's mother did when he was just a newborn- she remembers all the time he used it to cover them, first date on the wheel included.

Everything's beautiful, everything's perfect, carefully studied to host either a boy or a girl. There's no gender colors, not so prominent, at least. The furniture is completely white, in wood, real wood, freshly renewed (his hands are a bit more callous than usual, and she has spotted a stain or two on his suits in the last few weeks, but she'd never thought that this was his secret) and the fabric is white as well, with small flowers, almost invisible, small stains in blue and pink on the white landscape.

There are toys everywhere, not stupid, not repulsive as few of them are nowadays, and not dangerous. Few of them are quite old-fashioned, and she has even spotted few things for the time their baby will be a bit older. There are few book of stories as well, but just a brunch of them, not too many. She remembers one time she hard Rick saying to Grace that he invented the stories he told Charlotte, and every time it was something new.

_"I used to tell her stories, you know? Not from books, not from cartoons, even if she was crazy about the Little Mermaid. I invented them. Every time there was something new, something different. It was never twice the same thing." He pauses, stopping to look at the crime scene to focus on her instead, smiling, a sad smile, though. "Grimm Brothers were just plain perverted, if you listen to me. sadistic bastards, that's why they were into linguistic, because they were unhappy with their lives, and you know why, Grace?"_

_"Because they've listened too much to stories of children -eating witches?" she asks him tentatively. _

_"That's right, Grace! Have you seen, Lisbon? our rookie here got it right at the start! Why can't you be a bit more like her?" _

She laughs, remembering that time, so much she cries. She folds the blanket, and tenderly strokes her belly, looking at it dreamy. There's a part of her that still can't believe it's true.

"It is, my dear. We're both here, and we love each other and the baby we created together." He waked her up from her reverie, and all she can do is looking at him, smiling, happy, with tears, tears of happiness in her glassy eyes as he offers her a hot cup of something. "chamomile tea, my dear. It will help you relax." She smiles, and blushes as she takes it from him, her fingers skimming briefly over his knuckles. She doesn't say a world, though, there's no need to.

Once again Rick proved her that all he needs to do is looking at her to know what she thinks. Or maybe not.

Smiling calmly, she puts the mug on the nightstand, and looks around, faking a lack of knowledge that, truth to be told, is there.

"The place is huge… a bit too big for a single man."

He sits in front of her on a chair, and looks around, following her gaze everywhere it goes. "yeah, well, I was staying at a motel at the beginning, but, you know, at a certain point, I felt the need to… upgrade. To be… to have a real place. you know just in case." He doesn't tell her that he took it after he met her, after he recognized her, and he wonders if she knows. Somehow, he thinks she does.

"I'd say… 3 bedrooms, counting this?"

"Ehm, nope. There's one guestroom downstairs and two bedrooms on this floor, AND this nursery. It used to be a study, but I've put it in the attic. I thought about moving everything in the basement, but you know I'd hate to see my books ruined by water…."

"So, is the master bedroom the one in front of my room?"

"yes?"

"so, that's where you're going to stay, just a couple of steps from me?"

"Ehm, I'm, actually, sleeping downstairs. I prefer the guest room?"

"you are asking me, Rick?" she asks, with a bit of malice, taking her time to show him the dilated pupils of her "mesmerizing lavender eyes" as she gets closer and closer, without really leaving her spot, though.

"Ehm, no?" she looks at him with triumph. His pupils are dilated, his breathing erratic, his pulse point is vibrating like crazy, he is slightly uncomfortable. All the signs are there.

He wants her as much as she wants him.

"I'll tell you, Rick, I have the impression you've never been there, in your master bedroom. you were waiting to go there to share it with someone… someone like me, maybe?"

As she leaves her spot, she skims with a finger his chin, and slowly she makes her way towards the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes at her back. he follows her, enchanted, feeling again like a teenager at his first time, swallowing hard.

All his doubts cease to exist as soon as he sees her, standing naked in the middle of the bed, waiting for him.

"You know, I thought we agreed on taking this slow and easy and wait for the right moment…" he grins, at her, amused. "AND that you weren't' going to seduce me"

"I'd say we wasted enough time as it is, Rick. Waiting furthermore to create an us is just going to hurt, both me and you…besides, I'd say my belly getting every day bigger and bigger is kind of proof enough that we already are an Us… and this is the perfect moment, you know? We are gone to live together, expecting our first baby, and you went through all this troubles just to give me and Landon a place to call home… and it's everything like I've always pictured, when we dreamt of getting married once reached adulthood, so, yes, Rick, it's the right time. " she tells him smiling, but a bit sad. It's not sad for the now, he knows that. She is sad for the past. She is sad for her dad, for losing him the first time around, for losing him to Bosco, for not having told him of the baby as soon as she had discovered if him. "So, drop the clothes and join me… because I'm extremely hormonal, and otherwise, I'll have to take care of all this hormonal cravings on my own…"

He gets rids of all his clothes and joins her, and makes tender love to her for the whole night yet again, forgetting everything he has told her just mere hours before.

Only, this time, he doesn't kiss just her, but her belly as well, and it's then that she knows.

They are family, and nothing will change that. She is where she has always been supposed to be, she is there with him, with their child and neither of them will ever allow anyone to change that.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: ok, wait a sec, let me check on my legal papers...no, it's not here, not even here, ah, wait, I got it! Uhm, nope, I don't own the mentalist... I barely create using them, hoping that someone in the right place will see the light and give me a bit of Jisbon every now and then...

a/n- I just wanted to say thatk you for theencouragement and the compliments to everyone who was keeping tags on this, and to the amazing people who left a review for the last couple of cchapters; unfortunately, ff dot com is giving me the creeps yeta again, and I can't find a way to answer to reply directly, so, just, thanks a lot to : Jisbon4ever, Tottalyfan, Amry91 and LAurore...

* * *

Few days after Landon's second birthday, less than a week from the moving to the State of New York, Rick, rocking in his arms little Lucrezia "Lou" Jane, is standing at his wife's side in a place where neither of them thought they'd be one day, and standing at Frank Asterson's grave, he can't help but remembering all the events that brought him, them, there, after the discovery of their little and precious firstborn.

Katy will never forget as well, he knows that, so scared and hurt she has been, and looking at her he knows, she'll fulfill the promise she made him many moons before…

_When she finally finds him, Jane is sitting on the pavement, in a corner, inside a room left empty at the hospital. He is curled, in fetal position, and can't stop crying desperate. _

_Hugging him, with only an old pajama and a robe provided by the hospital, she kisses his head and listens to him, so alive and well in her arms. _

_She knows Rick, and she knows what's gotten into him right now. it's always the same old problem with him. _

_Patrick Jane feels guilty, all the time. And now that she has been injured while pregnant of his son, by Red John nevertheless, things just got at least 10 times more complicated. The fact that injury forced the doctor to make a C Section to deliver to baby, scared of potential damage, worsens furthermore things for the damaged soul of the poor man._

_"Patrick, ehy, look at me, we're both fine. Landon's took after you, he is such a big and strong boy… I'm fine, he is fine, and he is gone…" she kisses his curls, tenderly, smiling out of relief and happiness. "I'll never leave you again, Rick, I swear…"_

He turns to look tenderly at her at the same time she does, and she blushes as, keeping Landon for an hand, she skims over her still almost completely flat belly with the other. She told him they had wasted too long to wait further more to be a family in the real sense of the world, and she meant it, that's why she never bothered too much with protection, because she has always wanted a large family and she has always wanted for Rick to be the father.

Babies number 3 and 4 – he says a boy, Lucas, and a girl, Lillian, (somehow, Katy is obsessed with names starting with the L, and has decided that all their children will have the initials L.J.) will be the last ones, though, doctor's order. She isn't getting any younger, and, the older she gets, the more dangerous a pregnancy is. He doesn't even want to think about a twin birth.

He just hopes she'll not kick him yet again out of their bed, like with Landon, or break his fingers, like she did while in labor with Lou. The doctor would like to perform a C section, but she doesn't want to hear any of this, telling him she'll do it only if necessary and wants to feel everything of the birth process.

Such a heroine, his Katy, she has always been, and she still is, in the small and yet in the big things.

"I think it's time to go, I've said my goodbyes and now I feel like…." She says, leaving her spot in front of the grave, taking a big breath. Her eyes never leave the cold and grey stone, though, and she can't help but think about the man. She has never loved him like a daughter should love a father, she didn't even resect him. she was just scared of the man who raised her.

When he died, she cried thousands of tears, all of fears and relief, and not one of pain, not one because he was gone-. She was scared for herself and her mother, but wasn't suffering for him, never for him.

She never cried for him in 20 years, for what he did to her, what eh caused, but never for him, he didn't deserve it, not after what he had done to her, to them.

She thinks it's because even in death he managed to get his point with her-scare her to the point of death. She has spent 20 years thinking about possible outcomes, about what ifs and what not, about what would happen if the authorities discovery the body and so on.

When the body was indeed found by chance she berthed for the first time, and was ready to go to Minelli to confess everything, but the man outrun her. he told her there was a match for her DNA into the CODIS, something recently introduced, collected from the body of an unknown male dead from over 20 years, with no ID on him, found inside a stolen pick-up in a canyon by an excursionist…

_"I see that your father was declared dead, COD suicide due to depression and his drinking habits, but his body was never found…" she silently nods, thanking God that put someone as good as Alex Jane on her road…_

_Minelli makes a long pause, then he starts again, not daring to search for the brunette's eyes. "Lisbon, I'm sorry, but we've discovered a body today, hidden since at least 20 years, and all the evidences seem to pint out for him to be your biological father…" he pauses, yet again, studying a folder. "according to the ME, he broke his skull in the fall, that's the COD. I'm sorry Lisbon, my condolences. If it can be of any help, the doctor said he didn't suffer and didn't have time to register what was happening." He pause, once again, looking at her, sorry, making it clear that he is indeed suffering because of what is going on with her, for what happened to her. _

_"It was very brave, Lisbon, following him hear, in California, hoping to find him once again, hoping that he'd come to you after reading of your successes…I'll never get tired of telling you this, but you are a very brave woman, and I'm proud of you." She swallows, trying to fight the urge to be honest, to tell him everything._

_She just nods in the end, and leaves the office, leaves the CBI an comes back home, where, as soon as she sees them, falls into the warm embrace of her boyfriend, and breathes in the scent of her son and the one of her daughter fast asleep on the couch, an habit taken from her daddy. _

_She can't believe she is finally free. Now that he is gone, she can start living again. _

It's been just few weeks, but in few weeks everything changed. In few weeks, they decided to reach Katy's mother, who was now working in New York along with her husband, but, mostly, she took a decision: stopping pretending.

She is Katy Asterson, and everything she wants more than being herself is being Katy Jane.

Few months later, she is dressed in white, as sophomoric as it may be, in front of a judge, in New York, in the marvelous apartment her mother shares with Duncan in One Fifth, Rick at her side dressed with a fine tailored suite and her brothers and their wives taking care of the four Baby Jane's.

Veronica, even if is the mother, is the bridesmaid, because she saw it right from the start, and Duncan, a man as old as Veronica Asterson, is the best man- Rick doesn't have anyone he is too close to in New York, besides her family.

They've decided to move away from Sacramento and California as soon as Frank's body was discovered, because it was the only way to live properly, to be who they've always supposed to be.

She doesn't want to be Teresa Any longer. She wants to come back being Katy, but not Asterson, never again Asterson. She wants her surname to be Jane from now on. She wants to be what she wanted to be at 13, Kathrin Jane... Katy Jane, a girl with the marvelous eyes of the color of a field of lavender and hair of a so fair brown to almost look like blond or red, according to the light.

And here, away from the past, a place where only her family, the one who know her, who know everything are at her side, are a presence from her past, she can be what she has always wanted to be. Rick's still consulting, he even found a precinct where there's one consultant already, a man of his age who reminds him a lot of himself in a good mood, and they've become quite friends, and he spends his free time in a small bar, playing the role of the practicing magician, while she divides herself between the four children and singing and playing the violin (not the piano, never the piano, it hurts so much, too much, it remembers her too much of the past, to both she and Rick) at the same club he plays his tricks (once the babies will be old enough, she'll start teaching full time).

"Kathrin?" a voice suddenly awakens her from reverie, and she blushes, as she realizes all eyes are on her, who's been silent at the judge's question. The old man smiles, like it was everyday occurrence, and she blushed furthermore as, this time, she listens carefully to him asking her the most important question of her life. "Kathrin Asterson, do you promise to take Patrick as your husband in the special bond of matrimony, to care for him and love him through whatever may come, in your lives together as husband and wife?"

"I do" she says, blushing even more. (he grins, because he just loves seeing her blushing, always have, from day one). he doesn't even stop to look at her as the judge asks him his question.

"Patrick, do you promise to take Kathrin as your wife in the special bond of matrimony, to care for him and love him through whatever may come, in your lives together as husband and wife?"

"I do" he says, taking her hands in his own, never stopping to look into her eyes. She can't help but blush, because she knows what she is seeing right now, and it's not just happiness and love and affection, but a bit of lust as well. He told her she was spectacular as soon as she noticed her breathtaking dress, and he told her he couldn't wait for the ceremony to be over to kiss her, marking her as his own with his lips, and to go to the Savoy, the hotel where they've planned of spending a couple of days all alone, their first two days as husband and wife, their honeymoon for now, all the honeymoon they can get for now, with 4 small children to take care of.

They exchange the promises, and the rings, and when she puts the band on Rick's ring finger, she almost cries (she blames the hormones), because she remembers the first time they met after so many years, all they've been through, everything she has seen, everything they've shared. She remembers the old wedding ring on his finger, now resting by his first family's graves, and now much she suffered every time she contemplated it. back then, she'd never even dream they'd be here by now.

He reads her insecurities, and feels her memories, and tenderly he cups her face with his right, forcing back the need to kiss it away- it's not time yet.

"Patrick and Kathrin, in the presence of your family and friends, you have made special promises to each other that have been symbolized by joining of hands and the giving of rings. Therefore on your behalf, on the behalf of family and friends and according to the authority invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now both seal your marriage with a kiss" the middle age man smiles as he says so, and she can't help but biting her lips in anticipation, a bit shy. Because she knows Rick and she knows the look he is giving her. Besides, he is theatrical that way, always have been, even back in the day -he'll always be the boy wonder at heart.

He kisses her, like he sued to kiss her to make her upset, tender, yet, but full of passion, and so, so theatrical, the kind of kiss you see in movies, exaggerated, but so Jane, so Rick.

He is still kissing her as soon as the judge finally ends the ceremony, telling the sentence that will bond them together forever and ever. "May I introduce to you, for the first time, Patrick and Kathrin Jane!"

It took them 20 years, and sufferance and fears on both their sides, but here they are, where they've always been supposed to be, in each other's arms, each of them with few scars of their own, but it's what being together is all about – mending each other's scars and injuries while getting lost into the heart and soul and ayes of the other half of the apple.

And they've been lucky enough to find each other and to find each other yet again after so long, but it doesn't matter. It matters just the here and the now, and them, finally being here, together, where they've always supposed to be, free from the ghosts of their past, not hunted any longer.

Free, and together. At last.

FIN


End file.
